“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.“
Dear Future Self,
On the last day of 2017, you were rampaging through your room at 2:00am after reading the post you wrote about re-reading your old posts. In your search, you were looking for something you wrote a long time ago, way before this little blog of yours was born. Do you remember what that was?
You were looking for the book of songs you’d written when you were 15 years old. You didn’t know the book was that old until you saw the date of the first entry in that book – July 19th 2007. But before we get into that, can we just talk about the disclaimer on the first page of that book. It said, word for word…
This book belongs to
- Only the owner of this book can read it
- If read without permission…be ware
- You have been warned
If found please return to owner’s room
If you are curious then ask and you might be told of the amazing works and secrets kept in this book
Yes, you really wrote all of that, even spelling beware as two words. Clearly spelling was never your strongest point but hopefully that has changed in the future.
Reading through the pages, one by one you’re filled with so many emotions. It was almost as if you were looking through an old photo album. You were amazed at how well you remembered the melody of each song and could remember where you were when you wrote them. You even had the titles of the instrumentals you used for each song written down. And guess what you did? You hopped onto YouTube at 2:00am and had a little sing-a-long session very quietly with yourself. Everyone was asleep so you couldn’t really belt out those songs like you used to.
I’ll be honest, not all of the songs were great but each one gave you a glimpse of who you were all of those years ago. They reminded you of the happiness you found sitting in your room or in front of the family computer writing all of those songs when no one was around. I see now why starting a blog 10 years later was such a natural step for you. You love writing. I guess the same joy you had when writing those songs is the same joy you get when writing a post for your blog.
You and I both know that photos, videos and diaries were never a big thing growing up. There are very few childhood photos, barely any videos and no diary in sight. You wanted to keep a diary when you were younger but there was always something so gimmicky about it so you didn’t. Instead, you wrote songs and now you have these songs as your memories. The songs you spent hours in secret writing so you could sing them one day when you were finally famous. Are you famous yet?
Probably not, and that’s OK. Singing may no longer be your passion but writing clearly is. So, hold on to that.
I write these words to you now, at 25-years-old to remind you how important being you is. If it wasn’t for you choosing to write and keep those songs you’d never have realised at 2:00am on Sunday 31st December 2017, just how amazing you are. Girl, you were blogging even before you knew what blogging was! You were a poet and you didn’t even know it! See, it just comes naturally to you.
If it wasn’t for those songs, you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to remember the girl you once were when there were no cameras or people around. Those songs took you back in time and because of that I decided to start writing to you more often. I want to remind you of the hopes and dreams you once had that hopefully have become a reality at some point in the future. I want to document the mistakes we made (like some of those cringe worthy songs we wrote) as well as the success we had (like the songs we hope to sing to someone one day).
I want to do all I can now so that one day you will thank me for it. The same way I thanked my 15-year-old self for writing and keeping those songs.
What struck a chord whilst reading the book was the level of confidence you had in your own work. “Amazing works” you called it. 15-year-old Lydia knew her value. Somewhere along the way we kind of lost it but rest assured 25-year-old Lydia is in the process of re-discovering it. My hope is that 35-year-old Lydia will be living in it, completely and unapologetically. I’d prefer it to happen sooner than 35 but there is no rush. Take your time future self and keep on writing.
And one more things, don’t throw anything away. Whether it’s crappy photos, random videos, cringe worthy songs or posts you write but end up hating. Keep them all. They serve as memories and one day you’ll appreciate them. You didn’t have that many growing up but there’s nothing stopping you from collecting them now.
P.S: K, if you’re reading this, please don’t ask about the songs or their whereabouts. Just know that they are hidden somewhere safe. Maybe one day when you are Mr K you might be shown the amazing works and secrets kept in this book. Oh gosh I’m already cringing at the thought. We’ll see…