Mind – LYDIA ON LIFE

My Reverse Bucket List

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not…” ~ Epicurus

We all have a bucket list, right? Whether mentally or somewhere on a piece of paper, we’ve all sat down and thought about the things we’d like to achieve in our life time. But sometimes this list can leave us feeling a little overwhelmed and often becomes a reminder of all the things I haven’t done.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

Epicurus

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Luckily the blogosphere has offered an alternative way of thinking about bucket lists known as a reverse bucket list. A reverse bucket list is a mindfulness exercise where you write down all the things you feel proud of over a given period of time. Pretty simple, right?

Many of the reverse bucket list posts I read were of what people had accomplished throughout their lives. Which is what you’re supposed to do (I think). However, as my 26th birthday has just passed I thought why not write down all the things I’ve accomplished in the last 12 months leading up to my 26th birthday. It’s not because I think I’ve done more in the last 12 months than I have done in my whole 26 years of existing. It’s because I believe it’s very easy to overlook the small but significant things we achieve in 12 months when we compare it to several years. Narrowing the time gives us a unique perspective on how we spend our time, don’t you think?

We are constantly told that we should be upgrading, planning, dreaming; always setting our sights on something better. That’s great and all but what about the things we have already done? A reverse bucket list reminds us to take time out from thinking about the future to self-reflect and show gratitude to our past.

So what did I feel proud of doing in the last 12 months?

Working for an amazing company
Getting a second pay rise in one year
Learning how to budget and save
Ridding a horse in Bulgaria
Going to Kenya alone for the first time
First one in my family to travel on the SGR from Nairobi to Mombasa alone
Taking pictures with a giraffe in Mombasa
Going to Greece
Turning 26 and celebrating it in Greece
Getting my project management qualification
Finding out I’m pregnant with my first child
Learning how to knitting a blanket for the new addition to the family
Getting over a break-up during a very difficult time
Maintaining strong friendships that have lasted years
Growing spiritually
Finding comfort in my own company
Remaining strong during the hard times
Continuing working on my blog

Some might look at this list and think “nah, that’s not special enough” or “everyone has done that“ but this isn’t about being special or comparing to anyone else. This list is about looking at where I’ve been in the last 12 months and being grateful to have the opportunity to achieve what I’ve achieved in that time. Meaningful moments come in all sizes.

It’s important for us to take time to be grateful for the opportunity to accomplish something we are proud of no matter how big or small. Remember that your achievements are yours to acknowledge, celebrate and embrace. Never compare them to anyone else or overlook them because they don’t seem big enough.

Just as buckets lists can make us look forward to the future, a reverse bucket list ensures we don’t forget the past. Some of those past achievements were once on our bucket list.

I don’t know what’s in store for the next 12 months but I’m excited and I can’t wait to share those moments.

In the mean time, please enjoy a few snaps from my trip to Greece. Hopefully I’ll take better pictures on my next travel adventure.

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

Getting Your Groove Back

“Don’t live the same day over and over again and call that a life.” ~ Germany Kent

I’m fortunate enough to work for a company that allows me to work from home when I want and as often as I want. This luxury has been a God send for the past 2 weeks. I’ve been able to deal with a lot lately and my only comfort was locking myself in my room hoping it will somehow sort itself out. But we all know life doesn’t work like that.

“Don’t live the same day over and over again and call that a life. Life is about evolving mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.”

Germany Kent

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I’m fortunate enough to work for a company that allows me to work from home when I want and as often as I want. This luxury has been a God send for the past 2 weeks. I’ve been dealing with a lot lately and my only comfort was locking myself in my room hoping it will somehow sort itself out. But we all know life doesn’t work like that.

I’m not ready to speak about it just yet but I am ready to get back on my feet and back to myself again. I spent about a week and a half living in my gown and head scarf working from home because it was easier than finding the strength to face the world. Dramatic, I know but that’s exactly how I felt. The idea of answering questions like “Hows everything going?” or “You feeling okay?” was something I didn’t want to deal with. I was drained emotionally, physically and I couldn’t answer those questions without crying. I wasn’t okay. Everything wasn’t going well but I didn’t have the strength to admit that to people so I hid.

After 2 weeks I got tired of hiding. I didn’t like what it was doing to me. I was neglecting my skin, my hygiene was a little questionable and I don’t think I’d put a comb through my hair in days. Food was the last thing on my mind and crying was the only thing that helped me get through each day.

Then one day I’d had enough. I came to the realisation that none of this was doing me any good. By spending my time and energy focusing on my problems I was neglecting myself. I was letting myself go instead of letting go of aspects of myself that no longer served me. Yes, I was dealing with a lot but failing to care for myself wasn’t going to make it all go away.

So I decided to do these 5 things which gave me the boost I needed to get back to myself again.

SAY A PRAYER

Sometimes we get so lost in our problems we forget that there is a God who knows the concerns of our hearts. Our problems become bigger to us than his power to solve them for us. But when you stop and take a moment to pray, something happens. A subtle shift in us happens. This shift gives us just enough power to think clearer and change our situation. The eloquence of your prayers don’t matter, its the passion and faith behind them that does.

James 5:16-18

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

TREAT YOUR SKIN

When your spirit is working on the inside, it’s time to start work on the outside. Blemish prone skin requires attention at best of times so taking care of it is just as important if not more in your worst times. It allows you to pamper yourself and focus on the things you can change. Go to the spa, have an at home pamper session or just keep up with your skin care routine. Having bad skin shouldn’t be another added stress if you can help it.

DO YOUR HAIR & MAKE-UP

When you look good, you feel good and although au naturel is lovely, a little make-up can help when you are not yet feeling 100% yourself. Fake it till you make it I say! Make-up gives you that little extra boost of confidence when you need it most and there’s nothing wrong with that. So bring out the make-up bag and work your magic. Once you’re done, style your hair in your favourite hairstyle and you’re half way there to feeling and looking like you again.

STYLE YOUR CLOTHES

A pretty face isn’t complete without clothes to match. This may sound shallow to some but I believe that how you dress is a representation of how you feel. What you wear should be based on the positive thoughts you have about yourself and nothing else. The only person you are guaranteed to impress in life is you so never miss out on an opportunity to do that.

GET OUT THERE

Isolating yourself makes you forget the good in all the madness. You focus so much on yourself and your problems you forget there are other people in your life who care so much about you. People who are willing to help you through your problems. With every interaction with others you build strength to deal with what you are going through. It may not feel like it at first but if you have the right people around you you’ll realise that you are not alone in this.

Sometimes things in life happen not to bring us down but to shows us the quality of our friends, family and the life we live. It may not seem that way at the time but trust me it is. We are all entitled to a moment or two of self pity but we should never allow ourselves to stay there. Never let a let down keep you down.

Learn your lessons and keep it moving. It’s not easy but it will get easier as long as you are willing to keep going.

Love always,
Lydia x

Why It’s Okay to Cry

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” Charles Dickens.

We all feel sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated at times but rarely do we openly choose to express them through crying. Instead we are made to find other ways of expressing those emotions because crying is often seen as a sign of weakness. Why is that?

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.”

Charles Dickens

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When we were babies, crying was the only mode of communication we knew. If we were hungry, we cried. If we were uncomfortable, we cried. If we felt lonely, we cried. If we just needed a cuddle, we cried. What is it about growing up that turned this way of communicating and expressing ourselves into something negative? Something we are shamed to do.

I was inspired to write this post because a lot has happened in the last three months. I’ll probably share in detail exactly what’s been happening at a later date but for now just know that a lot has happened. So much so that the only way I knew how to deal with it was to cry. I cried alone, I cried in front of people and I cried till my eyes went dry. Every time I’d go to speak about it, I would cry. After I’d finish crying I felt so much better. This made me realise how powerful crying is and how often we overlook this simple but effective form of expression.

Crying is a natural response to life and the many things we deal with yet more often then not we act as though this natural response isn’t natural. Instead we try to suppress it in an attempt to show how strong we are. But who said crying means you’re not strong?

Scientifically, crying is the shedding of your tears in response to an emotional state. The tears that are produced as a result of this emotional state are called psychic, or ‘crying’ tears. Psychic tears contain a natural painkiller, called leucine enkephalin which explains why you feel better after having a good cry. There is a reason and a purpose for our tears.

Tears are a representation of who we are. They can show that we are happy. They can show that we are sad. They can show that we are angry and they can show that we are strong. To deny yourself a moment of expressing that is to deny who you are.

When I had my moments of crying I didn’t have the capacity to distract myself from what was hurting me. My tears forced me to deal with my pain internally first instead of suppressing it. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t see and at times I couldn’t breath. I could only cry and once I wiped away the last tear I felt a piece of my pain wipe away with it. I had emptied myself just enough to start seeing the positive things that were around me.

Crying gave me the strength and release I needed to empty out the bad and focus on the good and I want to remind you of that. I want to remind you how important it is to cry. Cry through the fear. Cry through the anger. Cry through the heartbreak even when you think you shouldn’t. Don’t think, just do it. Your tears are more powerful than you know. Don’t criticise yourself, your situation or those who have caused you to cry, just cry.

Genesis 21:17

“God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.”

What I’ve taken away from the last three months is this:

It’s OK to cry over your own pain
It’s OK to cry over other peoples pain
It’s OK to cry as many times as you feel the need to
It’s OK to cry without knowing what will happen once you stop crying

Make those tears counts by allowing them to do what they were created for – to express and release what you are feeling. Many alternative forms of expressing those feelings can cause pain to someone else. But tears never hurt anyone and they certainly won’t hurt you.

So cry if you need to. It’s okay.

Love always,
Lydia x

Why You Should Take A Social Media Detox

“Distracted from distraction by distraction” – T.S. Eliot.

We all have a love hate relationship with social media, right? One minute it’s the best thing since sliced bread, the next it’s the biggest pain in the butt. As useful as social media can be in our everyday life, it can soon turn into something negative if used in an unhealthy way. When it does, it’s time for a detox.

“Distracted from distraction by distraction”
T.S. Eliot
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For me, social media went from something fun I used every now and then to a part of my everyday life. Whenever I was in between tasks, or even tabs, my brain would say “What’s happening on Snapchat?” or “Has anyone followed me on Instagram?”. The truth is, the platforms weren’t the problem; I was. I allowed social media to become my default brain space and control how I perceived my life

Social media can make you focus more on what you portray to be real instead of what is real.

You have Snapchat, right? Don’t you just love how the flower head band filter covers your unlaid lace frontal or how the hearts filter makes your skin smooth and changes the colour of your eyes. None of those things are real yet somehow I feel more confident taking pictures with those filters than I do without. Snapchat and other social media allowed me to present a filtered version of me.

I preferred that version of me over the real me. Granted, the Snapchat filters are entertaining to use but if I’m being honest with myself I was using them as a way to gloss up my reality. To give the illusion that things were “perfect”. That I was “perfect”. But I’m not. My skin breaks out sometimes, I have a few acne marks, my eyebrows are barely there and my wig isn’t always laid. That’s normal. That’s real life. Feeling confident in spite of your flaws is much more important than pretending you have none.

Social media can make you more worried about what other people think of you than what you think of myself.

With Instagram, I always felt like I lived a double life. I had one account for the old me, the one my friends and family knew about, and another account for the new me. The Lydia that was on a journey of self discovery and documenting it on this blog for others to be encouraged. I was happy for the rest of the world to see this new me but not my friends and family. Why? Because I wasn’t quite sure what they would think of this new journey I were on. Would it make sense to them? Would they approve or think I’m silly?

With two taps on my phone, I could be the old Lydia one minute and the new Lydia the next. I had nothing to hide but for some reason I felt the need to. I was afraid of being judged for my attempt at evolving. But that’s what Instagram is about, right? What other people think. If you are not confident in who you are then being in that kind of environment isn’t healthy. We need to find validation in ourselves first before seeking it from others.

Social media makes you spend more time watching someone else fulfil their dreams instead of working on yours.

YouTube, don’t you just love it? It’s the go to place for practically anything.
From movies and music videos, to DIY’s, reviews and hair tutorials. YouTube is amazing but it can also be one of the biggest distractions. At least for me it was.
From the channels I was subscribed to, to the videos I searched for or recently watched. Everything I saw or that was suggested to me was curated for my particular interest – and my particular distraction. YouTube knew what types of videos would keep me watching based on my history and I fell for it every time. I wasted time watching other people live their lives instead of working on mine.

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Social media should be there to serve you, your needs and your growth. When you start to feel like it’s taking away from you more than it’s giving to you, its time to leave it alone. So I did. I logged out of YouTube and deleted my Snapchat and Instagram as part of my new year resolution.

Our time and energy is too precious to be wasted on things that don’t contribute positively to our everyday life – both online and offline. Worry about missing out on what other people are doing can lead us to miss out on ourself.

If you plan to take a social media detox I encourage you to use this new found time wisely and revaluate your presence on the internet. Are you being true to yourself?

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

Workplace Loneliness is Real

“If one’s different, one’s bound to be lonely.” ~ Aldous Huxley.
We spend more time at work than we do at home yet for some of us, the workplace can be the most loneliest place to be. Is camaraderie and social connection a key to workplace satisfaction and happiness?

“If one’s different, one’s bound to be lonely.”
― Aldous Huxley

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We spend more time at work than we do at home yet for some of us, the workplace can be the most loneliest place to be. Research conducted by Mind and totaljobs has shown that more than 60% of employees in the UK have felt lonely at work. Workplace loneliness is real.

I definitely fall into that 60% but who is to blame? Is it a lack of social skills? Or the lack of support from the company? Or is it the workload? For me it’s a mixture of them all. I thought I was the only one who felt some type of loneliness at work but according to a survey by the Jo Cox Commission in 2017, nine million people in the UK are affected by workplace loneliness.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my work and the people I interact with daily are some of the nicest people I have ever met. But you see you can be surrounded by all those people and still feel lonely. My usual routine getting into the office is tea first, greet the team then its headphones in and head down. For some us, that is our norm. With large workloads, technology replacing human interaction and the social anxiety from having to do small talk in a professional environment, getting your work done becomes more important than socialising.

My role as a Project Manager means I often work with different groups of people in the company. You’d think I’d have made meaningful connections with people, right? Nope. As a Project Manager I don’t really belong to a team. I’m currently the only Project Manager so if I want to get my work done in time for me to leave at 6, I tune out everything and everyone that isn’t contributing to my productivity. Majority of the interactions I have with people are work related which leaves very little room for more personal connections.

When you feel this isolated, it can lead you to overwork yourself to justify your work loneliness. Unfortunately this often leads to further isolation outside of work. Whenever I’ve been invited for after work drinks I’ve always said no. Partly because I’m tired but also if I can’t talk to them during work hours, what the hell am I going to say to them outside of work?

So I keep to myself.

It’s sad but it’s the reality for a lot of people. Especially those who want to build deeper connections that go beyond the small talk in the kitchen during lunch. It’s strange to say that I suffer from workplace loneliness because I’m not that person outside of work. I wonder why? What is it about the professional environment that causes us to become something we’re not?

Perhaps I’m still adjusting to my environment or perhaps the type of people that I can build deeper connections with just haven’t come around yet. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking and take the plunge to actually accept an invitation to after-work drinks. Or maybe I should spend my lunch time hours eating infant of people and not in front of my laptop. Or perhaps the company will arrange some social activities during work hours. I don’t know but something has to be done.

I’m still finding my feet in this role and company so who knows where things will be in a few months time. Will I still feel this lonely?

March 2017 will mark 1 year since I’ve been at my new job. I wondering if things will be different by then. Let’s hope so.

Do you ever feel alone in the office? What makes you feel that way? How do you deal with it?

Let me know in the comments below!

Love,
Lydia x

P.s: Here are a few articles I found interesting regarding work loneliness:

The important lessons I wish I had been taught in School for the real world, from personal health to money issues – and the topics that need to be added into the curriculum for future generations