Ramblings – LYDIA ON LIFE

Mum Blogger| Am I Changing Anything This New Year?

“You cannot change what you are, only what you do.”
― Philip Pullman

“You cannot change what you are, only what you do.”
― Philip Pullman

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome to my online home.

And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing great. I’m currently sat on my toilet writing this post because, well it’s comfortable…kinda. It’s the one place I can let loose (literally) and be my absolute unashamed self. It’s also the one place I’ve found myself feeling creative and flowing with ideas. Weird, right? I’ve thought (and sang) some of my best work whilst in the bathroom but by the time I’ve gotten to a more “appropriate” room to write them all down, they’ve either disappear or just aren’t flowing as well as they were in the loo. This must be a sign, right? Or maybe I’m weird. Either way, I’ve learned as a new mum, you have to do what you have to do to get things done. Even if it means doing them whilst in the toilet.

But my choice of writing rooms isn’t why I’m writing this post. Oh no! It’s more exciting than that…I think.

I’m writing this post because I’ve decided to make a slight change to this little corner of the internet I call my blog. It’s been playing on my mind for a while now but I wasn’t quite sure whether it was for me and whether I really wanted to do it or not. After scheduling all of my December posts I felt a little flat when I started working on my January posts. I wasn’t as excited about the content I planned to put out so instead of posting I took sometime out to rethink the direction I’d like my blog to go.

I didn’t want to start the new year by putting out content for the sake of it or content I wasn’t really excited about. I actually want to enjoy writing and reading what I put out. Then the lovely Jenna over at jennasworldview.com tagged me in a twitter post which I took as a sign to stop thinking about it and just do it. I love me some signs! And so I decided to take the plunge and just do it. What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe I shouldn’t say that…

Anywho, can you guess what it is? No, it’s not the new layout, although I am really in love with it. Looks rather nice don’t you think?

Okay, I’ll tell you.

Drum roll!

Lydia on life is officially becoming a….mummy blog! Tadaaaaaaa…

Okay, a little anticlimactic I know. I probably should have stuck to talking about the new blog layout but becoming a mum blogger seemed more exciting to me. If you’re still reading this then hopefully you feel the same way.

Some of my readers might have already thought of my blog as a mummy blogger since I spent like a month talking about my pregnancy, delivery and recovery but that was just me venting and expressing. I didn’t think it would be as therapeutic as it was nor did I think I’d enjoy it that much but I did. So much so that I was like hmmmmm, why don’t I just focus on this part of my life.

Aside from it being the biggest part of my life right now, it’s also become the most exhausting, worrying and exciting bit too. And I’d like to share it with anyone who wants to listen. I mean, I usually do in person so why not online?

This part of my life has also highlighted to me the lack of representation for women and probably men in my situation. I searched high and low for months trying to find someone like me, who was going through what I was going through and I was shocked to not find as many as I thought there would be. Have I been looking in the wrong places or is everyone hiding? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’m here and I have the amazing opportunity to share my journey so I’m taking it.

I once heard someone say if you can’t find a tree, be the tree. That someone was me, I said that. I made it up as a way of motivating myself and more often than not it worked. What I’m trying to say is be the change you want to see if you can’t see it. Don’t just complain about it, be about it.

I’m a young single black woman, raising a child whilst learning to co-parent and build a career and although I never saw myself in this situation, it’s happened and I’m learning how to deal with it. I am in no way saying my story is unique or that I even know what I’m doing. I just believe that you don’t have to be unique or know what you are doing to share your story. You just have to be willing to share it. #everystorymatters.

The little I’ve shared on this blog has certainly help me and if it can help someone else then great. If it doesn’t then at least I know it’s helping one person; me.

You can be your own worst enemy or your greatest saviour. Choose wisely.

So long story short, I’m still Lydia on life, just more emphasis on the mum life now #mummyblogger #mommyblogger for my US people dem. I don’t know why I felt the need to announce this but guess it makes it more real when it’s written down somewhere on the internet. It also serves as an introduction to the content I have planned for the next few months. I’m so excited!

If you’ve made it this far in the post, why are we not friends already? Let’s work on that…

May God bless you and I hope you’ll stick around. If you do, I encourage you to interact with me and join me on this journey. I’m winging it and learning as I go along. I know sharing it on the internet is subject to some criticism (especially being a single mum) which I’m fine with. In fact, I welcome open and honest conversations about motherhood and parenting in general – online and offline.

However, I ask you to remember that it’s okay to agree to disagree as long as we do it with respect. Sing it with me, R E S P E C T, I’ll tell you what that means to me. It means, live your life and allow me to live mine. And don’t judge me for writing about it from the comfort of my toilet seat, which by the way has proven to be very successful. Think I’ve found my new writing room.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talks.

Your Turn…

Where do you feel most comfortable writing? How did you decide on what to write about?

Let me know in the comments below or on my social @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I post once a week so stay tuned for the next one.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

P.s: Happy New Year! (Is it too late to say that?)

Mum Blogger | Why Did You Start Blogging About Motherhood?

“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.” ― John Irving

Now that Christmas is over I’m stuck in this weird phase where all the days till New years seem to just mush together. Tell me I’m not the only one that feels like that?

 If I’m honest I’ve felt like that for the last few months.

“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.”
―
John Irving

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome. And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me I’m doing pretty good. Christmas was amazing, I made Christmas dinner for the family for the first time I am so proud of myself. I probably wont do it again next year but I’m still happy I can tick that off my bucket list. People that do it every year, I solute you.

Now that Christmas is over I’m stuck in this weird phase where all the days till New years seem to just mush together. Tell me I’m not the only one that feels like that?

If I’m honest I’ve felt like that for the last few months. Since going on maternity leave I’ve pretty much lost track of what day in the week it is. It’s probably why I started working on my blog so much. I needed something to add to my life. Don’t get me wrong, my life is busy enough with a baby to look after. I just didn’t want it to be the same. I wanted something that was just for me and that made my days feel a little different and blogging has always done that for me.

I use this space to escape a little bit and share my life with someone other than my dribbling 3 month old. He is a good listener though but I guess you would be when you’re the topic of conversation.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts I’m pretty sure by now you’re sick of hearing about my pregnancy and delivery ( #mummyblogger) but at least now you know my story and perhaps understand my journey more. After all this blog is called lydiaonlife.com and well motherhood is part of my life now. A huge part which took a lot of adjusting to and I wanted to share that.

It’s been a crazy few months and I’ve enjoyed talking about my journey into motherhood because it’s helped me reflect on what I’ve been through. As I put those words down I was able to really comprehend my experience and realise the kind of woman I am, the kind of woman I’m becoming and a glimpse into the kind of woman I can be. Sometimes we need to write down our thoughts to really understand them and I’m so glad I have a place to do that.

These past few posts have been more so for me than for you and I don’t think I plan on changing that. However, I do hope that some how they’ve helped you out in whatever way. Whether it’s given you a glimpse into another experience, comforted you about your own experience or just provided you with some entertainment, I hope you’ll stick around for more in the new year.

I’m embarking on a new chapter in my journey – actually attempting to raise the little human that has changed my life in so many ways and I’m excited to share it. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Lydia on life both online and offline.

Till next time.

I wish you and amazing start to the New year and I’ll see you on the other side!

Love always,
Lydia x

My Reverse Bucket List

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not…” ~ Epicurus

We all have a bucket list, right? Whether mentally or somewhere on a piece of paper, we’ve all sat down and thought about the things we’d like to achieve in our life time. But sometimes this list can leave us feeling a little overwhelmed and often becomes a reminder of all the things I haven’t done.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

Epicurus

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Luckily the blogosphere has offered an alternative way of thinking about bucket lists known as a reverse bucket list. A reverse bucket list is a mindfulness exercise where you write down all the things you feel proud of over a given period of time. Pretty simple, right?

Many of the reverse bucket list posts I read were of what people had accomplished throughout their lives. Which is what you’re supposed to do (I think). However, as my 26th birthday has just passed I thought why not write down all the things I’ve accomplished in the last 12 months leading up to my 26th birthday. It’s not because I think I’ve done more in the last 12 months than I have done in my whole 26 years of existing. It’s because I believe it’s very easy to overlook the small but significant things we achieve in 12 months when we compare it to several years. Narrowing the time gives us a unique perspective on how we spend our time, don’t you think?

We are constantly told that we should be upgrading, planning, dreaming; always setting our sights on something better. That’s great and all but what about the things we have already done? A reverse bucket list reminds us to take time out from thinking about the future to self-reflect and show gratitude to our past.

So what did I feel proud of doing in the last 12 months?

Working for an amazing company
Getting a second pay rise in one year
Learning how to budget and save
Ridding a horse in Bulgaria
Going to Kenya alone for the first time
First one in my family to travel on the SGR from Nairobi to Mombasa alone
Taking pictures with a giraffe in Mombasa
Going to Greece
Turning 26 and celebrating it in Greece
Getting my project management qualification
Finding out I’m pregnant with my first child
Learning how to knitting a blanket for the new addition to the family
Getting over a break-up during a very difficult time
Maintaining strong friendships that have lasted years
Growing spiritually
Finding comfort in my own company
Remaining strong during the hard times
Continuing working on my blog

Some might look at this list and think “nah, that’s not special enough” or “everyone has done that“ but this isn’t about being special or comparing to anyone else. This list is about looking at where I’ve been in the last 12 months and being grateful to have the opportunity to achieve what I’ve achieved in that time. Meaningful moments come in all sizes.

It’s important for us to take time to be grateful for the opportunity to accomplish something we are proud of no matter how big or small. Remember that your achievements are yours to acknowledge, celebrate and embrace. Never compare them to anyone else or overlook them because they don’t seem big enough.

Just as buckets lists can make us look forward to the future, a reverse bucket list ensures we don’t forget the past. Some of those past achievements were once on our bucket list.

I don’t know what’s in store for the next 12 months but I’m excited and I can’t wait to share those moments.

In the mean time, please enjoy a few snaps from my trip to Greece. Hopefully I’ll take better pictures on my next travel adventure.

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

When You Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

“Change begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~ Roy T. Bennett

If you’ve been keeping up with my latest posts then you may know I’ve been going through something. I’m still going through it and I’ve not quite figured out how to share it on here. I will at some point.

But for now, I’m focusing my energy of getting out of it. I’ve cried over it, I’ve prayed about it and now I’m ready to step out of it.

“You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

Roy T. Bennett

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But for now, I’m focusing my energy of getting out of it. I’ve cried over it, I’ve prayed about it and now I’m ready to step out of it.

Part of me stepping out of my little bitty party that I’d been having for the last two weeks was to actually step out. As in pull myself together and go out side. I could have just gone out for a walk or visited a friend but I wanted to do something different. I wanted to go somewhere where I wouldn’t have to think or speak about what I was going through. I needed something to distract me, even if it was for a few hours.

I don’t know why I decided to look for a blogging related event but I did and found one on eventbrite. It was near by, free and come with a goodie bag. Need I say more? It was exactly what I needed.

The event I’m talking about was the Sugar + Style Spring Party event in Brixton Village. I’d never heard of this boutique before but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. We’re all about trying out new things and stepping out of our comfort zone, right? What better way to do it than to go somewhere you’ve never been to discover a brand you’ve never heard of. And I’m so glad I did.

Going to this event help me fight my anxiety, my fear of going to a new place on my own and my need to hide away from the world because of my problems. No one in the room knew about my problems and I didn’t have time to think about them. I was too busy meeting new people, talking about fashion and making new friends. By being present at the event I could feel myself slowing getting my mojo back. My problems didn’t seem so big any more. Plus, networking has never really been my thing so I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with it at this event. But I did and I did it all on my own. No friend to cling on to or a large crowd to hid in. Just me, my bag of nerves and my determination to overcome them.

And I’m proud to say I did. I overcame my fears and left the event feeling renewed, refreshed and excited to try on the things I got. I was starting to feel like myself again and I couldn’t wait to go home and look for more events to go to.

Wallowing in your problems or pretending they don’t exists never help. Instead, its important to understand that even in the midst of your problems, life should go on. You should go on. We should use our problems as fuels to help us refocus instead of allowing them to blind us from our potential. Problems will always be there, its how you deal with them that matter.

So thank you Sugar + Style for having the event! You helped me get my groove back and look stylish whilst doing it.!

Here are a few pictures that I snapped from the event.

I can’t wait to go to a few more events like this. Anyone want to invite me? Promise to work on my photography in the meantime.

Till next time

Love always,
Lydia x

Why It’s Okay to Cry

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” Charles Dickens.

We all feel sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated at times but rarely do we openly choose to express them through crying. Instead we are made to find other ways of expressing those emotions because crying is often seen as a sign of weakness. Why is that?

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.”

Charles Dickens

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When we were babies, crying was the only mode of communication we knew. If we were hungry, we cried. If we were uncomfortable, we cried. If we felt lonely, we cried. If we just needed a cuddle, we cried. What is it about growing up that turned this way of communicating and expressing ourselves into something negative? Something we are shamed to do.

I was inspired to write this post because a lot has happened in the last three months. I’ll probably share in detail exactly what’s been happening at a later date but for now just know that a lot has happened. So much so that the only way I knew how to deal with it was to cry. I cried alone, I cried in front of people and I cried till my eyes went dry. Every time I’d go to speak about it, I would cry. After I’d finish crying I felt so much better. This made me realise how powerful crying is and how often we overlook this simple but effective form of expression.

Crying is a natural response to life and the many things we deal with yet more often then not we act as though this natural response isn’t natural. Instead we try to suppress it in an attempt to show how strong we are. But who said crying means you’re not strong?

Scientifically, crying is the shedding of your tears in response to an emotional state. The tears that are produced as a result of this emotional state are called psychic, or ‘crying’ tears. Psychic tears contain a natural painkiller, called leucine enkephalin which explains why you feel better after having a good cry. There is a reason and a purpose for our tears.

Tears are a representation of who we are. They can show that we are happy. They can show that we are sad. They can show that we are angry and they can show that we are strong. To deny yourself a moment of expressing that is to deny who you are.

When I had my moments of crying I didn’t have the capacity to distract myself from what was hurting me. My tears forced me to deal with my pain internally first instead of suppressing it. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t see and at times I couldn’t breath. I could only cry and once I wiped away the last tear I felt a piece of my pain wipe away with it. I had emptied myself just enough to start seeing the positive things that were around me.

Crying gave me the strength and release I needed to empty out the bad and focus on the good and I want to remind you of that. I want to remind you how important it is to cry. Cry through the fear. Cry through the anger. Cry through the heartbreak even when you think you shouldn’t. Don’t think, just do it. Your tears are more powerful than you know. Don’t criticise yourself, your situation or those who have caused you to cry, just cry.

Genesis 21:17

“God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.”

What I’ve taken away from the last three months is this:

It’s OK to cry over your own pain
It’s OK to cry over other peoples pain
It’s OK to cry as many times as you feel the need to
It’s OK to cry without knowing what will happen once you stop crying

Make those tears counts by allowing them to do what they were created for – to express and release what you are feeling. Many alternative forms of expressing those feelings can cause pain to someone else. But tears never hurt anyone and they certainly won’t hurt you.

So cry if you need to. It’s okay.

Love always,
Lydia x

20 Things I Learned in 2017

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ― Søren Kierkegaard.

2017 was a fun year full of more ups than downs and a lot of lessons. I wanted to share some of those with you as we begin the new year! As always, this is going to be a long one so please bare with me. What did 2017 teach me?

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

― Søren Kierkegaard

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What did 2017 teach me about…

Blogging

“I decided that as long as I enjoy what I write, I am a writer for an audience of one.” ~ The Slumflower

Writing is a long process – It’s not easy to put down your thoughts in a way that others will understand and it takes time, patience and practice. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Second guessing yourself never works – You miss out on learning yourself when you don’t trust yourself enough.
Quality over quantity – Rushing to post something for the sake of keeping to a schedule can result in the message in your post being lost. Your authenticity is worth the time.
Your growth is more important – Don’t get caught up in seeing your blog grow at the risk of not seeing yourself grow. Numbers are great but not as important as your growth.
It’s OK to experiment – You are made up of so many wonderful things and you must explore each one to see what truly makes you happy.

Career & Finance

“The speed of your success is limited only by your dedication and what you’re willing to sacrifice” ~ Nathan W. Morris

Be open minded to your possibilities – If you don’t know how to do it today then learn it today so you can do it tomorrow.
Invest in yourself – You are the only key to your success and you are responsible for you. Use your money and time on working on you first.
Take a chance – You don’t always have to be completely ready for something, just do it and see what happens. Sink or swim you will learn something.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help – Knowledge is power. You are surrounded by people and places that know things that you don’t so use it to your advantage.
Be thankful every single day – Finances and a career determine the quality of your life. Be thankful everyday that you are blessed to have both.

Travelling

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~ Marcel Proust

Solo travelling isn’t for everyone – And that’s OK.
Know what you want out of your trip – If it’s relaxation you want then make sure you get that. It’s your money and time being spent too.
Take more pictures – Memories may fade but pictures last forever. Don’t ever miss an opportunity to capture a moment in time.
Find ways to make your travel easy from start to finish – With every trip you should learn something that will make your next trip easier.
Travel more – Don’t just travel abroad. Get to know the world you have access to – even the world outside your front door.

Beauty

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.” ~ Simone de Beauvoir

Beauty starts with you first – Loving and treating yourself better should be your priority and you don’t need validation or permission from anyone else.
Make-up is an accessory not a necessity – You do not need make-up. It’s nice but it’s not a must. End of discussion.
Deal with one skin problem at a time – Isolate your problems so you can figure out which solution works for which problem. You can’t fix it all at once.
Be consistent and be patient – Find a routine that works and use it till it stops working, then try something else.
Drink water – You might pee a lot but your skin will thank you for it.

Personal Development

“Let him who would move the world first move himself.” ~ Socrates

If you are not passionate about it, it’s not for you – You are wasting valuable energy that could be used for what you really need to focus on. Don’t force it.
Set realistic goals – If the environment you are in isn’t set up to support your goals then you are setting yourself up to fail.
Work with what you have – There is nothing wrong with wanting more but you have to be able to work with what you have first to get what you want.
Procrastination kill dreams – Leaving things till tomorrow means you are choosing to be further away from your dream than you should be.
Don’t let the internet rush you – Make the most of where you are without pressure from anyone but you. All that glitters is not gold.

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There are plenty of lessons to be learned throughout the year. Some old, some new, some bad and some good. Whatever the year brings, embrace it and learn from it.

So thank you 2017. You’ve been good to me and taught me so much. I cannot wait to take on 2018 with the things I have learned!

What are some of the lessons you’ve learned in 2017? Let me know in the comments below.

Till next time!

Love,
Lydia x

Why You Should Take A Social Media Detox

“Distracted from distraction by distraction” – T.S. Eliot.

We all have a love hate relationship with social media, right? One minute it’s the best thing since sliced bread, the next it’s the biggest pain in the butt. As useful as social media can be in our everyday life, it can soon turn into something negative if used in an unhealthy way. When it does, it’s time for a detox.

“Distracted from distraction by distraction”
T.S. Eliot
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For me, social media went from something fun I used every now and then to a part of my everyday life. Whenever I was in between tasks, or even tabs, my brain would say “What’s happening on Snapchat?” or “Has anyone followed me on Instagram?”. The truth is, the platforms weren’t the problem; I was. I allowed social media to become my default brain space and control how I perceived my life

Social media can make you focus more on what you portray to be real instead of what is real.

You have Snapchat, right? Don’t you just love how the flower head band filter covers your unlaid lace frontal or how the hearts filter makes your skin smooth and changes the colour of your eyes. None of those things are real yet somehow I feel more confident taking pictures with those filters than I do without. Snapchat and other social media allowed me to present a filtered version of me.

I preferred that version of me over the real me. Granted, the Snapchat filters are entertaining to use but if I’m being honest with myself I was using them as a way to gloss up my reality. To give the illusion that things were “perfect”. That I was “perfect”. But I’m not. My skin breaks out sometimes, I have a few acne marks, my eyebrows are barely there and my wig isn’t always laid. That’s normal. That’s real life. Feeling confident in spite of your flaws is much more important than pretending you have none.

Social media can make you more worried about what other people think of you than what you think of myself.

With Instagram, I always felt like I lived a double life. I had one account for the old me, the one my friends and family knew about, and another account for the new me. The Lydia that was on a journey of self discovery and documenting it on this blog for others to be encouraged. I was happy for the rest of the world to see this new me but not my friends and family. Why? Because I wasn’t quite sure what they would think of this new journey I were on. Would it make sense to them? Would they approve or think I’m silly?

With two taps on my phone, I could be the old Lydia one minute and the new Lydia the next. I had nothing to hide but for some reason I felt the need to. I was afraid of being judged for my attempt at evolving. But that’s what Instagram is about, right? What other people think. If you are not confident in who you are then being in that kind of environment isn’t healthy. We need to find validation in ourselves first before seeking it from others.

Social media makes you spend more time watching someone else fulfil their dreams instead of working on yours.

YouTube, don’t you just love it? It’s the go to place for practically anything.
From movies and music videos, to DIY’s, reviews and hair tutorials. YouTube is amazing but it can also be one of the biggest distractions. At least for me it was.
From the channels I was subscribed to, to the videos I searched for or recently watched. Everything I saw or that was suggested to me was curated for my particular interest – and my particular distraction. YouTube knew what types of videos would keep me watching based on my history and I fell for it every time. I wasted time watching other people live their lives instead of working on mine.

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Social media should be there to serve you, your needs and your growth. When you start to feel like it’s taking away from you more than it’s giving to you, its time to leave it alone. So I did. I logged out of YouTube and deleted my Snapchat and Instagram as part of my new year resolution.

Our time and energy is too precious to be wasted on things that don’t contribute positively to our everyday life – both online and offline. Worry about missing out on what other people are doing can lead us to miss out on ourself.

If you plan to take a social media detox I encourage you to use this new found time wisely and revaluate your presence on the internet. Are you being true to yourself?

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

Staying Motivated When Starting Something New

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz.
I don’t believe that anyone can stay motivated all the time especially when you are doing something for yourself. At least not in the real world. The lack of desired results can demotivate even the most ambitious individual so it’s important to take the steps needed to help you remain motivated and avoid falling into the pit of self-doubt. Here are the steps I’m taking.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” ~ Lou Holtz

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Hello.

Guess who’s back, back, back,
Back again, again, again
Lydia’s back, back, back
Tell a friend, friend, friend

No seriously, tell a friend because your girl Lydia is back and feeling better than ever!

You probably don’t know but I am so proud of myself to still be doing this. One thing I’ve struggled with is perseverance when things aren’t going the way I’d hoped they would. It’s said that most people who start blogs quit within the first 3 months and yet nearly 11 months later I’m still here, struggling but I’m still here.

Every girl needs a Stella got her groove back moment and boy did I need it.

I’ve had a few of those since starting my blog. I’m trying out something new to me, completely on my own with no guarantee it will work. No one said it would be easy no matter how many “How To Start A Successful Blog” posts you read (and trust me I’ve been reading).

During my Stella moment, I tried to see if I could find a step by step strategy on how to organise your life to reach your goals. From blogging goals to life goals, I Googled my butt off. Though I found some useful tips, there was no fool proof plan available. Unless I’ve just been looking in the wrong places…? I’d like to think I haven’t and that these Stella moments I keep having are all part of the process.

I don’t believe that anyone can stay motivated all the time especially when you are doing something for yourself. At least not in the real world. The lack of desired results can demotivate even the most ambitious individual so it’s important to take the steps needed to help you remain motivated and avoid falling into the pit of self-doubt.

Though I can’t grantee I won’t have any more Stella moments, I will endeavour to make this blog work for me.

Here are some of the steps I’m taking to stay motivated:

Have clear goals in mind

Knowing what you want is the first step to getting what you want. For my blog, I want to find my voice. To be in a place where I feel as though my content is a true reflection of me. For my blog to grow as I grow. As for my life, I want to enjoy it and make use of every opportunity I’ve got to make a positive difference in both my life and those around me.

Surround myself with positive inspiration

Have things around you such as people, books, blogs, songs, food, images and anything that encourages you towards your goals. Focus on the things that are geared towards your goal and use them as reinforcements for your current situation rather than comparing yourself to them.

Write and read my goals often

‘Write the vision down making it plain so that he that reads it may run with it’ – Habakkuk 2:2.
It’s important to write down goals so that they become tangible reminders of why you started and where you want to go.

Have a support system

When I started this blog no one around me knew about it until a month ago. I was afraid of what they would think but as I received the support from strangers on the blogosphere I realises how important it is to have people around you who support you. Family, friends, colleague and like-minded people that are willing to encourage you on this journey can be great motivators. K was the first person I told about my blog and his reaction and support gave me the confidence to tell other people.

Just doing it!

All the support you receive will be worth nothing if you don’t make a move and take the step now. Use the excitement generated by your goals, your inspiration and your support system to make something happen. A step forward is better than no step at all. All you need is one step at a time.

I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out (not even close) but I am working on it.

This was just a PSA to my 60 or so readers that I’m back and on a quest to do better. With patience, persistence and time I’ll get the hang of it.

As I share my progress, I hope it encourages you to keep going and stay motivated.

Your Turn…

What are some of the things you find difficult when it comes to blogging? How do you stay motivated?

Please leave your thoughts, comments and questions down below!

Love,
Lydia x

When Church Becomes a Burden

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” ~ Anna Taylor/ There comes a time where you need to realise you can’t please everyone and do everything. This goes for the work we do in church too and here is why.

In my post called What I learned in my post-graduate job I made the statement “It’s ok to say no”. I remember wanting to do all that I could to make sure everyone was happy and my time being there was a success. Though that wasn’t a bad attitude to have, I soon realised that I can’t please everyone and do everything.

This goes for the work we do in church too.

Mind if I rant a little?

I’m a youth leader at my church and Sundays can often feel like another working day at times. I use the term “I’m a youth leader” loosely because I’m not sure if it’s something I actually wanted to be or if it was a request I couldn’t say no to. I’ve been a member of my church for about 4 years now, maybe more. When I joined, I was on fire for Jesus and wanted to get involved in any way I could. I found so many youth there and was excited to walk this journey together with them. 4 years later, and a few church disagreements, the youth had shrunk in size and I was burned out.

The church began to rely on me and I was fine with that at first. I felt I had something to give and if you have something to give you should give it, right? So, I did. Unfortunately, my willingness to serve meant that reliance turned into dependence and the joy I once had for serving in the church turned into sorrow. I felt alone and singled out as the ‘can do’ person in the youth.

“Lydia, can you do this?” turned into “Lydia can do this and that and a bit more”. I don’t blame them though. Every time they asked me I said yes. Despite how reluctant or uncomfortable I felt, I still said yes. But why? Church isn’t slavery so why was I afraid to say no?

Is it because I’m afraid to disappoint people? Is it because I don’t yet know my purpose? Or is it because I have the wrong idea of what it means to serve God?

Perhaps it’s all those things and more. When I took a break from going to my church for a few weeks and started attending another church I felt free. I was happy. I was able to receive instead of giving for once and it felt good. When I returned, I realised that my name was still on the list of ‘yes’ people. Lydia, can you teach in Sunday school? Lydia, can you teach in youth? Lydia, can you play the piano? Lydia, can you lead praise and worship? My desire to serve was still there so as always, I said yes.

The bible says, “I can do all things…” but it doesn’t say I can do everything. Church is voluntary and no one should feel burdened to serving in the church or guilty for saying no to a church activity. Running away isn’t the answer but learning to say no is and here’s why.

We service a gracious God

God really isn’t happy when we’re working ourselves to death. He receives no glory when our service causes us to be resentful and tired rather than joyous and longing. Your worship to Him is more important than your obedience to man. Our service to Him shouldn’t feel like a chore, nor should it leave us more burdened than when we entered the church.

Our values comes from who we are in Christ

After some self-reflection, I realised that one of the main reasons I always say yes is because I don’t want to disappoint anyone or lose their respect. To say no is to risk rejection and be deemed disobedient in people’s eyes. But God doesn’t just see my actions, he sees the heart that comes with it. His opinion of you is more important than anyone. If your no is justified, be confident and know that He understands, even if man does not.

To fulfill your purpose and not just a vacancy

Saying no to something means we can give a wholehearted yes to our calling. If I’m involved in so many different ministries, it is impossible for me to give my all in each of them. Taking the time to give your all in one or two things makes it easier for you to see where your passion and purpose lies.

Your No could become someone else’s Yes

We are not adequate to single handily meet every need and there are often more people with much more talent than you in that particular area. If I’m always saying ‘yes’ to a request how will the church find someone else to do the work? How will someone else’s talent be found? The church may not see in some else’s potential because they rely on yours. Your no will force them to look elsewhere and ignite a fire in someone else that has been longing to shine.

When you are carrying out the will of man and not God

Sometimes we may be asked to do things we aren’t comfortable with. If the church is genuinely asking you to take up the will of God instead of your own then that’s different. Often, I feel as though I’m taking up the will of people who disguise it as God’s will. But remember, He gives you the grace to be responsible for your own life and gives you the spirit to discern what is His will and what isn’t.

The church should play a part in empowering you to say no. They have to be more strategic about allocating responsibility. Are positions advertised well enough? Do they provide training and discipleship programmes for people to equip themselves to service and support each other? These are some questions I believe that the church need to be asked before placing responsibility in individuals. Without a strategy people burn out or simply leave. I’ve experienced both first hand.

I’m still working on saying no to certain things that aren’t really for me, in life and in church. Saying no allows us to cut back, simplify and focus our efforts. It’s not easy but understanding that you have the right to say no is the first step. I might do a post on how to say no, but we’ll see!

Your turn…

Do you have difficulty saying no when it comes to church? What about other areas in your life? How do you normally deal with it? Did you find this post helpful?

Lets connect!

Share your questions, experiences and tips with everybody in the comments below.

Till next time.

Love,
Lydia x

What I Learned in My First Post-Graduate Job

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” ~ Wayne Gretzky.
Last week March 7th marked my 1 year anniversary at my first post-grad job. I feel like I only started a few months ago yet I’ve grown so much since then. Professionally, personally, financially and socially. With 12 months under my belt, I thought this would be a good time to share the little knowledge and wisdoms I’ve gained over the past year.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” ~ Wayne Gretzky

__________________________________

Last week March 7th marked my 1 year anniversary at my first post-grad job. I feel like I only started a few months ago yet I’ve grown so much since then. Professionally, personally, financially and socially. With 12 months under my belt, I thought this would be a good time to share the little knowledge and wisdoms I’ve gained over the past year.

1) Soft skills are more important than your hard skills. Apart from managing my dissertation at university, I’d never done any project management related work. However, the soft skills that I had made it easier for me to grasp the concept of project management in the real world. Have a willingness to be the best at what you do even if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing can take you far.

2) Nothing will make sense at first. Unless you’ve been there done that and bought the post card, you’ll feel like a fish out of water. From the jargon used during meetings to socialising with co-worker, you will feel a little alien but will soon settle after a few months.You’re in a new environment so it will take some time to adapt but trust me it will happen. You don’t have to force it.

3) It’s OK not to know. Asking questions is your new weapon. Even stupid questions. It’s better to ask a stupid question than to make a stupid mistake. You can’t play the I don’t know card for long if you want to progress. But think about the question before asking.

4) It’s OK to say no. Being the unqualified newbie, you want to please everybody. That should include yourself. Know your limits and make sure it is known by others. If you are valued then your time should also be valued. A justified no is better than a regretful yes.

5) 24 hours just isn’t enough. Working 9 to 5 will make you realise just how little time you have for yourself. How did my mum do this plus go to university and raise 3 kids? This will make you realise the true importance of organisation skills and why diaries are so useful.

6) Clients will always think they are right. No matter how mistaken the client is, they are never allowed to feel your frustration even if they show it to you. You must always control your emotions and learn to articulate your frustrations in the nicest way. It takes practice and a lot of proof-reading (from you and others). Don’t let anyone (especially clients) cause you to step out of character because you are responsible for your actions, not them.

7) Your manager is your confidant. If there is one person in the office you should be confiding in about your work it should be your manager. They should have your best interest at heart and are in the position of making things happen that can make your work life easier. If you can’t confide in them about work then they shouldn’t be managing you.

8) It’s not all about the money. Your first job should really be about experience more than money. Don’t turn away an opportunity just because of money. If I did, I wouldn’t be doing a job I’d never done before and loving a company I’d never heard of before. Learn to crawl before you can walk and soon you will be climbing.

9) Money does help. At first it may not be about the money but once you have some experience and grow as a person you start to understand your value. You now have some experience to back up the salary you expect and the confidence to get it. If you focus on being the best, the money will come to you. Your job should not only repay you but reward you for the work you do.

10) Speaking gets easier. Whether it’s speaking in a meeting, to a client or participating in office banter; the freedom to express yourself appropriately gets easier after a few months. It’s not a popularity contest in the real world. Your work speaks louder than your words. As you gain more confidence in the work you do, your words will find confidence too.

11) Every mistake is knowledge. When I’ve made a mistake I’ve never forgotten it. Why? Because failure is the best teacher. You’ll make mistakes during the first few months but slowly you’ll see how your mistakes turn to knowledge that prevent others from making the same mistakes.

12) Culture fit/match is a big deal. You may like the work you do and how much you make but the company culture makes a huge difference. Finding a company that fits with your culture will make the Monday mornings and late nights much more bearable. You’ll find that your work-life balance is easier to manage and lessons 1 – 11 become much easier to grasp in a company culture that fits with you.

Going into the real world isn’t easy. When you finish university, you’re launched into a world you feel is too grown up for you. A world that reminds you just how much you don’t know. You can no-longer hide behind the fancy words on your CV or the grades you got at university. You are put to the test – as a graduate and a person.

Though going into the real world isn’t easy; with the right support system, attitude and vision, it isn’t hard either.

A lot can happen in 12 months and I’m excited for what the next 12 months will bring. Will I still be in the same role, at the same company with the same positive vibes I have today? We’ll see.

Your Turn…

What was the most important lesson you learned from your first entry-level job? What advice would you give to someone starting out in their career?

Get in touch, tweet me @lydonlifeblog or share your experiences and tips with everybody in the comments.

Till next time.

Love,
Lydia x | https://lydonlife.wordpress.com

P.s: Here are some other articles I found interesting on first job lessons: