blogging

Mum Bloggers | Where Are All the Black Single Mums?

“It is more substantial to represent a purpose, rather than just a title.” ― T.F. Hodge

Over the last few months of 2019 I’ve slowly started embracing the world of mummy blogging (or mommy blogging for my US people) but it’s not been easy as a black single mum.

“It is more substantial to represent a purpose, rather than just a title.”
― T.F. Hodge

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If you’re new to my blog, then welcome! And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good and slowly getting back to regular posting. As you know being a mum is hard and finding the time to do anything aside from being a mum is even harder. But as always I keep myself motivated as best as I can when it comes to life and blogging.

Over the last few months of 2019 I’ve been slowly trying to embrace the world of mummy blogging (or mommy blogging for my US people). It’s hard to do so when you only have a few readers and very few people see you as a mummy blogger but I’ve decided to not let the opinions of others determine how I see myself. This goes for all aspects of my life, including hobbies such as blogging.

So what is mummy blogging? Mummy blogging is a way for women to create content online about the most challenging and rewarding parts of our lives – being mothers. I stared my mummy blogging journey last year as it helped me get through the postpartum period and the challenges I faced once I was face-to-face with the little human I’d been creating for the last 9 months. Here’s where my journey began if you’re interested.

I’ve accepted that blogging about motherhood is something I love doing and hope to keep doing however as I’ve started this journey, I’ve noticed that there aren’t that many mummy bloggers like me – young, black and single. Why is this? Are they all hiding or am I just looking in the wrong places?

If you do a Google search for ’single mummy blogger’ 99.9% of the results are of women who look nothing like me. Our ‘single mum’ label might be the same but how that label affects us is different, very different. Don’t get me wrong, single motherhood is tough no matter how you look however as we’ve seen in this world, race and culture has a huge effect on our lives, especially in the black community.

It was sad to see so little representation in an area that was so important to me as a single mother and writing enthusiast. There aren’t that many books on the topic of thriving as a black single mum and our stories aren’t always conveyed in a positive light. This bothered me a lot but I was glad to see a few ladies out there making their mark on the blogospheres as independent black single mothers and I wanted to share them with you.

Without further ado, here are some amazing black single mothers with incredible stories about their journey.

The Single Mom Journey is a blog ran by a 40 something-year-old single mum of two named L.C. Like many of us, she uses her blog to share the wisdom she’s gained on topics such as raising kids, relationships, career moves, money matters, faith and inspiration. Her hope is that women, particularly single mums, will use her blog as a forum to be real and share their struggles without judgment. Check out her post on black single mum blogs for more amazing mothers to help you on your journey!

Black Moms Blog is run by Shanicia, a full-time mum of one living in Atlanta. She uses her blog to offer parenting tips, recipes, information about cultural and current events, as well as highlighting black businesses and mums who are making a splash in the business world. Her mission is to provide a place that changes the narrative of what Black motherhood is really all about. Here’s the post that got me interested in her story

Single Black Motherhood is a blog ran by a 26-year old working mother of one named Kim. Like me, she struggled to find millennial, black single mums on the blogosphere or podcastphere (is that a thing? I’m making it a thing) so decided to create her own. On her blog she shares her journey and the things she’s learning along the way in hopes of inspiring other young black single mums out there. How she managed single parenting with two jobs whilst studying is amazing to me and defiantly worth a read.

Sophie-sticated Mum is a blog ran by Dr. Reed AKA Sophia, a 30 something single mother of one and a National Certified Counsellor with a PhD in Human Behaviour (okay mama!). She uses her blog to encourage women to turn their lemons into lemonade and make boss moves whilst putting God first. Her story on how she became a single mother is definite one to read. So inspiring!

Greater Than Mama Blog is run by Briana, a 27 year old single mum of one. She uses her blog to show other mums that you don’t have to stop being you, just to be someone else’s mother. Although she doesn’t claim to have all the answers on how those two sides of motherhood can co-exists, she hopes to figure it out with the rest of us through her blog. Here’s her latest post which I know I’ll be using once Matthew starts day care.

Although I was happy to find these wonderful ladies, I couldn’t help but notice that most if not all of them were from the US. There are around 1.8 million single parents in the UK and 90% of them are women. How many of those are black women, I’m not sure but if I exist, surely there are others? Surely there are women out there like me with a story to tell about their journey?

This thought reminded me why I decided to share my own single parent journey here on Lydia on Life. Not only did I want a place to document my thoughts and experiences but to also connect with other mothers who look like me, talk like me and are dealing with similar life issues as me. I’m glad I was able to find a few but I know there’s more stories out there waiting to be told.

So for now I’ll continue sharing my journey (and anyone else I find) for my own growth so that anyone else who feels the way I do will know they are not alone.

I hope you enjoyed my little list of wonderful black mummy bloggers who are doing it all whilst raising children single handedly and sharing their journey with us. I can’t wait to learn from them and enjoy their content!

Your Turn…

Do you know of any other black single mum bloggers from around the world? Would they be interested in sharing their journey with me?

Let me know in the comments below or on my socials @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I try (emphasis on the try) to post once a week so stay tuned!

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

Mum Blogger| Am I Changing Anything This New Year?

“You cannot change what you are, only what you do.”
― Philip Pullman

“You cannot change what you are, only what you do.”
― Philip Pullman

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome to my online home.

And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing great. I’m currently sat on my toilet writing this post because, well it’s comfortable…kinda. It’s the one place I can let loose (literally) and be my absolute unashamed self. It’s also the one place I’ve found myself feeling creative and flowing with ideas. Weird, right? I’ve thought (and sang) some of my best work whilst in the bathroom but by the time I’ve gotten to a more “appropriate” room to write them all down, they’ve either disappear or just aren’t flowing as well as they were in the loo. This must be a sign, right? Or maybe I’m weird. Either way, I’ve learned as a new mum, you have to do what you have to do to get things done. Even if it means doing them whilst in the toilet.

But my choice of writing rooms isn’t why I’m writing this post. Oh no! It’s more exciting than that…I think.

I’m writing this post because I’ve decided to make a slight change to this little corner of the internet I call my blog. It’s been playing on my mind for a while now but I wasn’t quite sure whether it was for me and whether I really wanted to do it or not. After scheduling all of my December posts I felt a little flat when I started working on my January posts. I wasn’t as excited about the content I planned to put out so instead of posting I took sometime out to rethink the direction I’d like my blog to go.

I didn’t want to start the new year by putting out content for the sake of it or content I wasn’t really excited about. I actually want to enjoy writing and reading what I put out. Then the lovely Jenna over at jennasworldview.com tagged me in a twitter post which I took as a sign to stop thinking about it and just do it. I love me some signs! And so I decided to take the plunge and just do it. What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe I shouldn’t say that…

Anywho, can you guess what it is? No, it’s not the new layout, although I am really in love with it. Looks rather nice don’t you think?

Okay, I’ll tell you.

Drum roll!

Lydia on life is officially becoming a….mummy blog! Tadaaaaaaa…

Okay, a little anticlimactic I know. I probably should have stuck to talking about the new blog layout but becoming a mum blogger seemed more exciting to me. If you’re still reading this then hopefully you feel the same way.

Some of my readers might have already thought of my blog as a mummy blogger since I spent like a month talking about my pregnancy, delivery and recovery but that was just me venting and expressing. I didn’t think it would be as therapeutic as it was nor did I think I’d enjoy it that much but I did. So much so that I was like hmmmmm, why don’t I just focus on this part of my life.

Aside from it being the biggest part of my life right now, it’s also become the most exhausting, worrying and exciting bit too. And I’d like to share it with anyone who wants to listen. I mean, I usually do in person so why not online?

This part of my life has also highlighted to me the lack of representation for women and probably men in my situation. I searched high and low for months trying to find someone like me, who was going through what I was going through and I was shocked to not find as many as I thought there would be. Have I been looking in the wrong places or is everyone hiding? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’m here and I have the amazing opportunity to share my journey so I’m taking it.

I once heard someone say if you can’t find a tree, be the tree. That someone was me, I said that. I made it up as a way of motivating myself and more often than not it worked. What I’m trying to say is be the change you want to see if you can’t see it. Don’t just complain about it, be about it.

I’m a young single black woman, raising a child whilst learning to co-parent and build a career and although I never saw myself in this situation, it’s happened and I’m learning how to deal with it. I am in no way saying my story is unique or that I even know what I’m doing. I just believe that you don’t have to be unique or know what you are doing to share your story. You just have to be willing to share it. #everystorymatters.

The little I’ve shared on this blog has certainly help me and if it can help someone else then great. If it doesn’t then at least I know it’s helping one person; me.

You can be your own worst enemy or your greatest saviour. Choose wisely.

So long story short, I’m still Lydia on life, just more emphasis on the mum life now #mummyblogger #mommyblogger for my US people dem. I don’t know why I felt the need to announce this but guess it makes it more real when it’s written down somewhere on the internet. It also serves as an introduction to the content I have planned for the next few months. I’m so excited!

If you’ve made it this far in the post, why are we not friends already? Let’s work on that…

May God bless you and I hope you’ll stick around. If you do, I encourage you to interact with me and join me on this journey. I’m winging it and learning as I go along. I know sharing it on the internet is subject to some criticism (especially being a single mum) which I’m fine with. In fact, I welcome open and honest conversations about motherhood and parenting in general – online and offline.

However, I ask you to remember that it’s okay to agree to disagree as long as we do it with respect. Sing it with me, R E S P E C T, I’ll tell you what that means to me. It means, live your life and allow me to live mine. And don’t judge me for writing about it from the comfort of my toilet seat, which by the way has proven to be very successful. Think I’ve found my new writing room.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talks.

Your Turn…

Where do you feel most comfortable writing? How did you decide on what to write about?

Let me know in the comments below or on my social @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I post once a week so stay tuned for the next one.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

P.s: Happy New Year! (Is it too late to say that?)

Mum Blogger | Why Did You Start Blogging About Motherhood?

“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.” ― John Irving

Now that Christmas is over I’m stuck in this weird phase where all the days till New years seem to just mush together. Tell me I’m not the only one that feels like that?

 If I’m honest I’ve felt like that for the last few months.

“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.”
―
John Irving

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome. And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me I’m doing pretty good. Christmas was amazing, I made Christmas dinner for the family for the first time I am so proud of myself. I probably wont do it again next year but I’m still happy I can tick that off my bucket list. People that do it every year, I solute you.

Now that Christmas is over I’m stuck in this weird phase where all the days till New years seem to just mush together. Tell me I’m not the only one that feels like that?

If I’m honest I’ve felt like that for the last few months. Since going on maternity leave I’ve pretty much lost track of what day in the week it is. It’s probably why I started working on my blog so much. I needed something to add to my life. Don’t get me wrong, my life is busy enough with a baby to look after. I just didn’t want it to be the same. I wanted something that was just for me and that made my days feel a little different and blogging has always done that for me.

I use this space to escape a little bit and share my life with someone other than my dribbling 3 month old. He is a good listener though but I guess you would be when you’re the topic of conversation.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts I’m pretty sure by now you’re sick of hearing about my pregnancy and delivery ( #mummyblogger) but at least now you know my story and perhaps understand my journey more. After all this blog is called lydiaonlife.com and well motherhood is part of my life now. A huge part which took a lot of adjusting to and I wanted to share that.

It’s been a crazy few months and I’ve enjoyed talking about my journey into motherhood because it’s helped me reflect on what I’ve been through. As I put those words down I was able to really comprehend my experience and realise the kind of woman I am, the kind of woman I’m becoming and a glimpse into the kind of woman I can be. Sometimes we need to write down our thoughts to really understand them and I’m so glad I have a place to do that.

These past few posts have been more so for me than for you and I don’t think I plan on changing that. However, I do hope that some how they’ve helped you out in whatever way. Whether it’s given you a glimpse into another experience, comforted you about your own experience or just provided you with some entertainment, I hope you’ll stick around for more in the new year.

I’m embarking on a new chapter in my journey – actually attempting to raise the little human that has changed my life in so many ways and I’m excited to share it. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Lydia on life both online and offline.

Till next time.

I wish you and amazing start to the New year and I’ll see you on the other side!

Love always,
Lydia x

New Mum | What 5 Pregnancy Apps Are A Must for First-time Mums?

“Enjoy the moment while waiting.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita.

There’s an app for everything these days and pregnancy is no exception. Finding out I was pregnant was a very nerve racking experience which I rambled about here. It wasn’t planned and I certainly never imagined it happening the way that it did. But it did and after the initial shock of it all I was ready to continue on the journey into motherhood. However, as a first-time mum I knew I would need a lot of help. Lucky for me I had an amazing support system around me but the App store played a significant role too.

“Enjoy the moment while waiting.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome. And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good. I’ve been spending the last few weeks planning out my blog posts and so far so good. Hopefully this will mean I’ll be able to stick to my new posting schedule of 2 post per week. Wish me luck!

Okay, on to today’s post! It’s another pregnancy post but hopefully one that will make your life easier like it did mine.

Finding out I was pregnant was a very nerve racking experience which I rambled about here. It wasn’t planned and I certainly never imagined it happening the way that it did. But it did and after the initial shock of it all I was ready to continue on the journey into motherhood. However, as a first-time mum I knew I would need a ~~little~~ lot of help. Lucky for me I had an amazing support system around me but the App store played a significant role too.

Being a new mum means exactly that, new. Everything is new. You have no idea what to expect and the amount of information you receive during your antenatal appointments, plus the floods of advice you get from everyone and their auntie can be overwhelming. However when the information is presented in chunks that you can refer to at any time, things don’t seem so scary. Plus your pregnancy brain can process them better. Don’t you think? At leats that’s how it was for me.

That’s why I’m so happy that there’s an app for everything these days and pregnancy is no exception. However, finding the right pregnancy app was trickier than I thought it would be. There are tones and tones of pregnancy related apps out there that do pretty much the same thing but in different ways. I spent the first 3 months of my pregnancy trying out different apps for different things until I found the apps that worked best for me and as usual here on lydiaonlife.com I wanted to share my findings in hopes of narrowing down your search when that time comes. I don’t make any promises though.

Without further ado, here are the 5 most useful apps to have during your pregnancy – in my opinion.

SPROUT

Sprout has got to be my most used app during my pregnancy. I heard about this app from Nikki Perkins on YouTube before I found out I was expecting so I knew I had to try it. What got me interested in Sprout was the 3D image of the fetus as it grew week by week. Once I downloaded and started playing around with it I fell in love. From the daily and weekly information about your pregnancy, to checklists, journal features and tracking tools that help you through your pregnancy and delivery. This app had everything I needed from a pregnancy tracking app and I used it all the way up until I brought my son Matthew home.

It did take a little while to get use to it and know where everything is but once I did, it became the first thing I’d look at in the morning. The only negative thing I found was that I had to upgrade after a while to keep using it which I wasn’t aware of when I initially downloaded it but I was so used to it, I was willing to pay for the upgrade.

BOUNTY

I’m not sure how I found out about the Bounty app. It was probably from downloading so many apps. Either way I’m glad I did because it was such great help to me. Bounty is an award-winning, pregnancy and parenting app that lets you find out what to expect as a new mum. From day-by-day baby development information direct from local hospitals and health providers to a baby foot size tracker and a handy sleep tracker to give you peace of mind once your baby arrives. As amazing as these features are, the main reason I kept using the Bounty app was to claim the FREE Bounty sample packs and discount vouchers that were available via the app. Every little helps when you’re expecting and boy did this app help!

Being a first-time mum and someone who has never looked after a baby for longer than 20 minutes, I had no idea where to start when it came to baby products and brands. Thank to this app I was able to stock up on Matthews nursery whilst providing me with the opportunity to test products out before I commit to buying the full sizes. I collected the gift packs from my local Tesco and Boots just by showing them the voucher on the app which was simple enough. I also received a pack at the hospital when I delivered Matthew and will be getting another pack when Matthew is 4 months old. Not sure what will be in it though.

EMMA’S DIARY

I found out about Emma’s Diary app from my midwife. During one of my antenatal appointments she handed me an Emma’s Diary magazine which had a form to register to become a member. As an Emma’s Diary member you are entitled to receive 3 free gift packs containing samples for you and your baby.

I got my first gift packs from Argos which contained baby fabric softener, washing powder and other baby products samples. I then found out they had an app so I downloaded it, logged on and saw that I could access the vouchers for the other packs via the app. The rest is history. I was able to redeem the other packs at my local Boots which was fantastic. I did however have to go there a few times as they seemed to be out of stock but it was definitely worth it.

MOTHERCARE

The Mothercare app was my go to for all the baby clothes, gadgets and essentials. I didn’t know where else to start. Mothercare has always been around when I was growing up so to find out the stores were closing down just when I needed it most was really sad. Only for a moment thought because the closing down of some of their stores meant there were sales going on left, right and centre so I downloaded the app and started making my wish list.

Most of the things I bought were online and the delivery was prompt so I had no complaints however, the quality of their clothes wasn’t always great. But this isn’t a review on baby clothes so we’ll leave that for another post. Aside from allowing you to stock up on mother and baby products, the Mothercare app also has other cool features like baby songs, baby names, essentials checklist and a bunch of other things to help you along your pregnancy and beyond.

KEGEL TRAINER

During my first antenatal appointment, my midwife told me about the importance of pelvic floor exercise and recommended the NHS app Squeezy to help remind me to do them. I personally wasn’t prepared to pay the £2.99 for it when I knew I could find a free one that did the same thing and so I did. I searched the app store and found Kegel Trainer PFM Exercise. This app has 10 different sessions to work through to help you strength your pelvic floor muscles.

The sessions last between 30 seconds to 3 minutes and has a handy reminder to ensure you never forget. The best part about this app is that there are visual, audio or vibration cues to make the exercise as discreet as possible. All for free! I’m sure there is a justified reason for the NHS app costing £2.99 but that price was not for me.

YOUTUBE

And last but certainly not least we have YouTube. Good old YouTube. Okay, this isn’t a pregnancy app per se but c’mon it’s YouTube. You can find videos on literally anything you want. I don’t have to tell you that unless you’ve been living under a rock (which I’m sure would have been shared on YouTube by someone). Next to the Sprout app, YouTube was probably the second most used app on my phone during my pregnancy. Whenever I needed to decide on what gadget to buy or how to decorate the nursing I turned to YouTube.

From tutorials and reviews to hauls and baby updates, a day never went buy that I wasn’t on YouTube. It helped me not only prepare physically for the baby i.e. what to buy and how to look after him, it also introduced me to other first-time mums and how they coped with it. Especially single mums. I knew my experience may not be the same but enabled me to connect with people I could related to and hear their stories.

Here are some of the channels I found helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/user/emilynorrisloves
https://www.youtube.com/user/MissCharlotteTaylor
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxdOM3aOTvrY3BRmEMTTAdg
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmkhKJThgvDeS3jKdiRkWww

And that’s it!

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In the age we live in, having these tools at your fingertips makes the task of preparing to be a parent that bit easier. Especially if you are doing it alone. God bless the creators and developers of these apps. Hopefully one day someone will be saying that about an app I’ve created. Until then I hope these apps will be as useful to you as they were to me. They may not all work for you but at least you have somewhere to start.

What apps did you find most useful during your pregnancy? Please share below and say why you liked them.

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

Single Mum | What was Your Pregnancy Journey like?

“You never understand life until it grows inside of you.”
― Sandra Chami Kassis

Before I found out I was pregnant I always thought my pregnancy would be associated with three things:
1) Eating for two,
2) Craving a random and slightly questionable meal at 3am and;
3) Asking my husband to prepare me said meal in the middle of the night in our newly refurbished home.

Spoiler alert. None of these things happened to me. None. Life has a funny way of doing the complete opposite of what you think it should do, right?

“You never understand life until it grows inside of you.”
― Sandra Chami Kassis

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Before I found out I was pregnant I always thought my pregnancy would be associated with three things:

Eating for two,
Craving a random and slightly questionable meal at 3am and;
Asking my husband to prepare me said meal in the middle of the night whilst I relax in our newly refurbished family home.

Spoiler alert. None of those things happened to me. None…

Life has a funny way of doing the complete opposite of what you think it should do, right? After going through one of life’s biggest milestones, I wanted to share with you what that experience was like for me.

But first, how are you? How is life treating you?

Me, I’m doing okay, great actually. After taking some time to organise myself and get back to blogging, I feel like things are finally falling into place. Something I struggled to believe would happen during my pregnancy.

Let me start from the beginning…

I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks. Yup, that’s right. For 7 weeks I was eating sushi, drinking wine and happily carrying on with life as if life wasn’t growing inside of me. It was until Matthew’s father noticed I hadn’t complained about my period for a while that he suggested we take a test. When the little blue line appeared I could not believe it. I was convinced we’d taken the test wrong so I insisted we book an appointment at the GP to confirm.

“Congratulations, it’s positive”, the nurse said. I just smiled and said thank you but inside I was terrified. At the time I thought I was worried about how my family and friends would react but after telling them and seeing how happy they were for us I soon realised I was terrified because this wasn’t how it was suppose to happen.

I’d always had the idea of getting married first, then the house and THEN the baby. This was all happening backwards and I wasn’t sure if I was happy about it or if I was okay with this new future. Matthew’s father was excited and so was I but I just wasn’t excited that it was happening like this.

During our relationship we had both talked about our ideal future together and how we wanted it to be – a wedding, a house and then kids, you know the usual. We even agreed to save up for it so that we’d be prepared when that time came. Well, the time came and though I was ready to commit to the future we spent many days and nights talking about, for some reason he wasn’t. It soon became clear that the life we had spoken and planned for for the last 2.5 years was more important to me than it was to him.

After 2 weeks of arguing and going back and forth, I ran out of energy trying to understand why our plans had to change just because I was pregnant. I was tired of the emotional roller-coaster and I didn’t want to stay in a relationship feeling as though I’d settled for something I didn’t want and I didn’t want him to either. So at 10 weeks pregnant during the early hours of the morning, my relationship with Matthew’s father ended. Ironically it happened on valentines day. Go figure…

It wasn’t what I wanted but it was definitely what I needed. I went through the rest of my pregnancy without him.

In all my 26 years of living I never thought I’d ever be single and pregnant. Single, maybe but single AND pregnant, never. Yet there I was, single and 10 weeks pregnant wondering how something that should have brought us closer together could bring us so far apart. Although I dealt with it as best as I could and remained as positive as I could, small moments such as feeling the baby kick or people asking me how things are with the father brought the pain back. If it wasn’t for the amazing support of my friends and family I don’t know how I would have coped.

They were always around to remind me that I wasn’t alone. A life was growing inside me that felt everything I was feeling and would make me one of the greatest things in this world – a mother. Knowing this helped me to remain positive and even encouraged me to learn something new to mark this new chapter in my life.

Thanks to my mum, I learned how to knit and was able to knit a blanket for Matthew. My mum used to knit clothes for me and my sisters when we were babies so it was only right I follow suit. I don’t know how she remembered after 26 years but she did. It became our bonding session where she shared stories about her pregnancy and told me how excited she was to become a grandmother for the first time. I loved every minute of it. Plus it served as a distraction from everything that was happening.

Aside for the unexpected break-up, my pregnancy was pretty much uneventful. My morning sickness was very minimal, I had no weird cravings (aside from water and orange juice) and I didn’t gain a lot of weight. My hair grew, my skin glowed and my cleavage looked amazing if I do say so myself. I’d heard so many unpleasant stories about pregnancy so as a first-time mum I expected the worst or at least have crazy hormones that caused me to do crazy things. But nope, I got none of that and I am truly grateful for it! Would have been nice to blame something weird on the hormones, though.

As amazing as the majority of my pregnancy was, there were some not so amazing moments. I documented them on an app called Sprout because I wanted to remember as much about my actual pregnancy as possible and not the chaos that surrounded it. It can all become a blur when you have so many changes happening to you at once.

Social media always made things sound either worse than they really were or more perfect than they should be so I wanted to share my honest experience. Hopefully you’ll find some comfort in my pregnancy journey.

Between week 12 and week 18 my boobs didn’t just get bigger, they also got darker, itchier and looked slightly bruised. Lovely! I was a lot more tired than usual and I had a lot more headaches than normal so paracetamol was my bestfriend for a while. Unfortunately my dreams of eating for two hadn’t came to fruition yet. In fact I lost my appetite and spent most of the time force feeding myself by eating little and often.

As my stomach started to become noticeable at week 16 my choice of jeans to wear soon decreased and I had to find some maternity jeans. However, the struggle for said jeans was real. Not only were the jeans expensive, it was difficult to find some that didn’t look so maternity. Annoyingly enough I was in that awkward stage where my stomach was too small to fit into maternity jeans and too big to fasten my existing jeans so I used a belt and rubber bands to hold my existing jeans together until I could fit into the maternity ones properly. This wasn’t the most comfortable solution but it worked. Once I was big enough I found that New Look and H&M had the best and most affordable maternity jeans.

By week 19 my appetite was back to normal-ish but I still didn’t have the urge to eat for two (which sadly is a myth by the way!). On the other hand I did feel like I was being stretched by two people. My boobs were still growing, my stomach was still growing and I just felt round. To distract myself I started thinking about baby names and redecorating the house in preparation for the baby shower and the baby of course. This was another much needed distraction!

The Sprout app I was using said I should have felt the baby kick before week 19 so I began to feel a little anxious and worried, as you do, but then one night as I was lying in bed I felt a kick. At first I thought it was a muscle twitch in my stomach or something but it happened again so I pressed against it and guess what? It was a kick! I literally leaped out of my bed to tell my family but they were all asleep and probably wouldn’t have been as excited as I was. It was moments like this that reminded me of Matthew’s father and how much he was missing out on.

As the pregnancy continued, I only experienced a few more symptoms such as swollen feet, blood when blowing my nose and hearing a heart beat sound in my ears which according to Google and my midwife was the sound of the extra blood flowing through me. Nice! I also had a strange numb-like feeling in my legs at night which again according to Google and my midwife was restless leg syndrome. Where would I have been without Google when my midwife wasn’t available?

And that was it I think.

I stopped documenting my pregnancy at 26 weeks because nothing eventful happened after that. My stomach just got bigger and bigger and I got more nervous at the thought that soon I’d be meeting the little human bouncing around inside of me.

My pregnancy was going so well I managed to work up until I was 38 weeks. I should have used the remaining 2 weeks before my due date to rest but oh no, not me. I went into nesting overdrive. I was cleaning walls, doors, floors, ceilings, and finding every reason to pop down the high street and stock up on baby clothes and nursery decor. I’m not sure if it was a coping mechanism for the sheer shock of everything that happened or my need to remain strong and positive throughout the process but I used every opportunity I had to keep myself busy.

Apart from no longer fitting into most of my clothes I never once felt like I was pregnant . If you were to ask me now what did pregnancy feel like I honestly couldn’t tell you. Is that a good thing? I don’t know.

What I do know is that after 41 weeks and 5 days I welcomed my first baby, an adorable little boy named Matthew. The delivery wasn’t as smooth or easy as the pregnancy but it was worth it.

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I tried to keep this post as light-hearted as possible because that’s the place I’m in right now. 4 months after giving birth to my amazing son, I’m happier, lighter and brighter than ever before. During my pregnancy I wasn’t sure if I’d ever truly reach this place but I’m so glad I can honestly say that I have.

My pregnancy taught me a lot about myself, my values and my body and showed me what it means to be loved in the most unexpected way. It also taught me that you never know what you will really do in a situation until you are in it and this experience has shown me I’m a woman of my word.

Although I would have loved Matthew to be born in a two parent home, sometimes in life you have to choose yourselves over your children because ultimately that is the best decision for them too. I never wanted the relationship between Matthew’s father and I to end but it did and I was able to move on from it.

Looking back I enjoyed my pregnancy and I hope all my future pregnancies go as smooth and easy as this one – minus the break-up of course. It may not have been perfect but it was definitely worth it.

In the words of Lauryn Hill “I had always made decisions for other people, making everybody else happy. [This decision] was one that was based on my happiness and not what other people wanted for me or for themselves. . . . And I’m so happy that I made the choice that I did.”

Everything happens for a reason and I know I made the right choice.

Till next time.

What did your pregnancy experience teach you? Let me know in the comments below.

Love always,
Lydia x

Life Update | Babies, Break-ups and Blogging?

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
Eckhart Tolle

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted anything new on here but after a much needed break I’m back doing what I love. To mark my return I thought I’d share a little little life update on what’s been going on and what I have in store for my little corner of the internet.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
Eckhart Tolle

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But first, how are you? How is life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good. A lot has happened since I last posted. Some good, some bad and some just plain old unexplainable but I’m in a much better place now than I was a few months ago. Life hit me and it hit me really REALLY hard. I was never fully ready to share the specifics both online and offline because it’s hard to do so when you’re in the midst of the chaos. Every time I wanted to say something, the words failed me. I didn’t know where to start or how to start or if I should even start. So I didn’t. Instead, I had many days of crying and feeling sorry for myself until eventually I found the strength to get my groove back. Things weren’t okay but I knew they’d be okay. Eventually. Then I took a little 4 month break to gather myself and my thoughts and just enjoy the good moments that were happening instead of dwelling on the bad.

I told myself that once I got it together I’d return and write a life update post and share my journey because I believe it’s part of the recovery process. It’s a slow and painful process but it’s worth sharing because someone else might be going through the same thing and need to know that they are not alone. That it’s normal to feel how you feel and it’s possible to get through it no matter how hard it might be. Sometimes that’s all the encouragement we need.

So without further ado here is little life update on what’s been going on. Are you sitting comfortably?

BABIES

I’ll start with the biggest and most amazing thing of all that’s happened to me in the last 5 months. On 17th September at 7 something in the morning I become a mum to the most handsome little boy named Matthew. I say little but he weighed a healthy 7.3 pounds which is quite big so I’ve been told. I too was a big baby so I wasn’t too surprised. I delivered him via an emergency caesarian section (c-section) which I was not prepared for at all! I’ll go into more detail about my pregnancy, delivery and recovery in another post but for now I’m so excited to share this wonderful news. I’m officially a mama! Whoooop! It still hasn’t really kicked in yet that I am someone’s mum and I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m doing it anyway and I’m falling in love with him every single day whilst at it. I’m anxious but excited to spend the rest of my life trying to keep his little behind alive, healthy and happy!

BREAK-UPS

The next update is that sadly the start of this amazing new chapter in my life was met with an unexpected end to my relationship with Matthew’s father. I’ve spoken about him a few times on here during our relationship and I never in a million years thought it would end like it did, but it did. We broke up in February and I went through the entire pregnancy without him. It’s crazy how things can change so quickly but that’s life. Things change, people change and you just have to deal with it as best as you can. I was fortunate to have support from my amazing family and friends which I thank God for every single day. I don’t know how I would have coped without them.

At some point I’ll share the experience with you as I feel it’s important to share both life’s ups and downs, however for now I want to continue focusing on the good that came out of our relationship – Matthew. He’s taken all my pain and disappointment away and I know that everything happens for a reason. I didn’t understand it at first but I get that now. I’m so much more happier and excited for the future ahead.

Last but not least, is my blog. They say behind every dark cloud there’s always a silver lining. Or something like that. Well, I think I may have found my silver lining. My life has taken an amazing but unexpectedly turn and I’d like my blog to a reflection of that. After all this is Lydia on Life, right? I’ve spent a lot of time talking about self love and self development on my blog amongst other things and that has helped me get through everything that’s happened so far this year. Because of that, I know I want to continue sharing my journey. I’m now a single young woman and also a new mum and I want to share my thought’s and experiences as I try to navigate and balance this new life. I have so much to learn and even more to give and it’s all thanks to Matthew. He has given me a new perspective on myself and life and has made me feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. I’m ready for whatever lies ahead and I want to share it all right right here.

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So yup, that’s my life update so far. As you can see I’ve been going through quit a bit of change and though it hasn’t been easy, I thank God everyday for it. I went through it, I got through it and I’ve come out the other side smiling because of it.

Life is very unpredictable and at times can be very uncomfortable. But I read a quote from Mokokoma Mokhonoana that said ‘comfort rarely produces great art’. Out of my uncomfortable I want to produce great art. I want my experience to bare fruits that will be used as encouragement for those (including myself) that may find themselves in that place of doubt again. I want to show whoever stumbles across my blog that you are more prepared to take on life’s struggles than you think you are. You may not feel like it but trust me you are. Just be patient with yourself. You cannot celebrate a victory if you’ve never been to war.

So I wrote this to not only give you a life update but to remind you that no matter how long or how dark the tunnel might be, keep going because there is light at the end of it. It might seem far, it might not even look like it’s there but trust me it’s there. Use that time to grow, develop and overcome the obstacles that will come along the way. It won’t be easy or painless but in the end you will be able to say you made it.

I don’t know what’s in store for the future but I’m excited for it anyway.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

When You Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

“Change begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~ Roy T. Bennett

If you’ve been keeping up with my latest posts then you may know I’ve been going through something. I’m still going through it and I’ve not quite figured out how to share it on here. I will at some point.

But for now, I’m focusing my energy of getting out of it. I’ve cried over it, I’ve prayed about it and now I’m ready to step out of it.

“You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

Roy T. Bennett

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But for now, I’m focusing my energy of getting out of it. I’ve cried over it, I’ve prayed about it and now I’m ready to step out of it.

Part of me stepping out of my little bitty party that I’d been having for the last two weeks was to actually step out. As in pull myself together and go out side. I could have just gone out for a walk or visited a friend but I wanted to do something different. I wanted to go somewhere where I wouldn’t have to think or speak about what I was going through. I needed something to distract me, even if it was for a few hours.

I don’t know why I decided to look for a blogging related event but I did and found one on eventbrite. It was near by, free and come with a goodie bag. Need I say more? It was exactly what I needed.

The event I’m talking about was the Sugar + Style Spring Party event in Brixton Village. I’d never heard of this boutique before but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. We’re all about trying out new things and stepping out of our comfort zone, right? What better way to do it than to go somewhere you’ve never been to discover a brand you’ve never heard of. And I’m so glad I did.

Going to this event help me fight my anxiety, my fear of going to a new place on my own and my need to hide away from the world because of my problems. No one in the room knew about my problems and I didn’t have time to think about them. I was too busy meeting new people, talking about fashion and making new friends. By being present at the event I could feel myself slowing getting my mojo back. My problems didn’t seem so big any more. Plus, networking has never really been my thing so I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with it at this event. But I did and I did it all on my own. No friend to cling on to or a large crowd to hid in. Just me, my bag of nerves and my determination to overcome them.

And I’m proud to say I did. I overcame my fears and left the event feeling renewed, refreshed and excited to try on the things I got. I was starting to feel like myself again and I couldn’t wait to go home and look for more events to go to.

Wallowing in your problems or pretending they don’t exists never help. Instead, its important to understand that even in the midst of your problems, life should go on. You should go on. We should use our problems as fuels to help us refocus instead of allowing them to blind us from our potential. Problems will always be there, its how you deal with them that matter.

So thank you Sugar + Style for having the event! You helped me get my groove back and look stylish whilst doing it.!

Here are a few pictures that I snapped from the event.

I can’t wait to go to a few more events like this. Anyone want to invite me? Promise to work on my photography in the meantime.

Till next time

Love always,
Lydia x

Staying Motivated When Starting Something New

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz.
I don’t believe that anyone can stay motivated all the time especially when you are doing something for yourself. At least not in the real world. The lack of desired results can demotivate even the most ambitious individual so it’s important to take the steps needed to help you remain motivated and avoid falling into the pit of self-doubt. Here are the steps I’m taking.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” ~ Lou Holtz

______________________

Hello.

Guess who’s back, back, back,
Back again, again, again
Lydia’s back, back, back
Tell a friend, friend, friend

No seriously, tell a friend because your girl Lydia is back and feeling better than ever!

You probably don’t know but I am so proud of myself to still be doing this. One thing I’ve struggled with is perseverance when things aren’t going the way I’d hoped they would. It’s said that most people who start blogs quit within the first 3 months and yet nearly 11 months later I’m still here, struggling but I’m still here.

Every girl needs a Stella got her groove back moment and boy did I need it.

I’ve had a few of those since starting my blog. I’m trying out something new to me, completely on my own with no guarantee it will work. No one said it would be easy no matter how many “How To Start A Successful Blog” posts you read (and trust me I’ve been reading).

During my Stella moment, I tried to see if I could find a step by step strategy on how to organise your life to reach your goals. From blogging goals to life goals, I Googled my butt off. Though I found some useful tips, there was no fool proof plan available. Unless I’ve just been looking in the wrong places…? I’d like to think I haven’t and that these Stella moments I keep having are all part of the process.

I don’t believe that anyone can stay motivated all the time especially when you are doing something for yourself. At least not in the real world. The lack of desired results can demotivate even the most ambitious individual so it’s important to take the steps needed to help you remain motivated and avoid falling into the pit of self-doubt.

Though I can’t grantee I won’t have any more Stella moments, I will endeavour to make this blog work for me.

Here are some of the steps I’m taking to stay motivated:

Have clear goals in mind

Knowing what you want is the first step to getting what you want. For my blog, I want to find my voice. To be in a place where I feel as though my content is a true reflection of me. For my blog to grow as I grow. As for my life, I want to enjoy it and make use of every opportunity I’ve got to make a positive difference in both my life and those around me.

Surround myself with positive inspiration

Have things around you such as people, books, blogs, songs, food, images and anything that encourages you towards your goals. Focus on the things that are geared towards your goal and use them as reinforcements for your current situation rather than comparing yourself to them.

Write and read my goals often

‘Write the vision down making it plain so that he that reads it may run with it’ – Habakkuk 2:2.
It’s important to write down goals so that they become tangible reminders of why you started and where you want to go.

Have a support system

When I started this blog no one around me knew about it until a month ago. I was afraid of what they would think but as I received the support from strangers on the blogosphere I realises how important it is to have people around you who support you. Family, friends, colleague and like-minded people that are willing to encourage you on this journey can be great motivators. K was the first person I told about my blog and his reaction and support gave me the confidence to tell other people.

Just doing it!

All the support you receive will be worth nothing if you don’t make a move and take the step now. Use the excitement generated by your goals, your inspiration and your support system to make something happen. A step forward is better than no step at all. All you need is one step at a time.

I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out (not even close) but I am working on it.

This was just a PSA to my 60 or so readers that I’m back and on a quest to do better. With patience, persistence and time I’ll get the hang of it.

As I share my progress, I hope it encourages you to keep going and stay motivated.

Your Turn…

What are some of the things you find difficult when it comes to blogging? How do you stay motivated?

Please leave your thoughts, comments and questions down below!

Love,
Lydia x

Blog Nomination | Liebster Award

“What you do after you create your content is what truly counts..” ~ Gary Vaynerchuk.
I was nominated for a Liebster Award by…

“What you do after you create your content is what truly counts..”

Gary Vaynerchuk

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Welcome to Lydia on Life

Thank you so much to Sarah for this nomination. This is my second award nomination since starting Lydia on Life and I believe it’s such an amazing concept. It not only helps fairly new bloggers slowly find their feet, it also introduces you to so many other bloggers. I’m falling in love with the blogging community more and more.

Ever since I joined, I’ve experienced nothing but support and I was so excited to receive a twitter notification informing me that I’d been nominated by the lovely Sarah Walker (Yellow Feather ) for a Liebster Award. The award is given to bloggers by other bloggers and is a great way to discover growing blogs.

Here are the rules:

Answer the 11 questions that your nominator has asked you.
Nominate 11 other bloggers (with under 200 Twitter followers)
Ask your nominees 11 questions
Let them know that you have nominated them

So let’s get started! Here are my answers to Sarah’s questions:

What’s your favourite place you’ve ever visited?

Last year I went to Mombasa, Kenya for my friend’s wedding. I’m originally from Kenya but have lived in London since I was 5. I’ve travelled to Kenya a few times since moving to London but most of the time I’m visiting family or trotting around with my mum to view her ever growing plots. This was the first time I had travelled to Kenya without my family and the second time I visited Mombasa. 2 weeks of sun, sea and safari (and an Asian wedding). This was also the first holiday K and I had been to outside Europe. It was an amazing 2 weeks and I can’t wait to go back next year (hopefully).

Snow or sand?

Sand, definitely sand. Where there is sand there is sun and hopefully a mango tree and a beach nearby.

What’s your party trick?

I don’t think I have one. If I do, I’ve probably been too drunk to remember.

What’s your favourite thing about blogging?

The freedom and ability to use your own thoughts and experiences to help a random stranger. Even if it’s just one. Also, the support you get from the blogging community. I was afraid that blogging would be overly competitive but I was so wrong and I’m glad.

Who’s your celebrity crush?

Michael B Jordan. Mmm guurl, have you seen Creed? Damn… (Sorry K)

What’s your favourite social media site?

YouTube, I love YouTube and wish I had invented it. It’s considered a social media site right? If not then I’d say Instagram. I find myself scrolling through it every day after watching a few YouTube videos. I haven’t quite gotten the hang of Twitter yet as I’m still new to it but it could become a favourite one day. I’ll finally see why Donald Trump loves it so much…

What’s your go to source for inspiration?

I read through the blog posts in my WordPress reader a lot and use Twitter and Pinterest to get some ideas. However, most of my inspiration comes from something I did, spoke about or thought about during the week. Trying to find inspiration in my own life as well as others.

What’s your favourite song?

This is a hard one. I don’t think I have a favourite song. From hip hop, R’&’b, and Reggae to Jazz, Soul and Gospel, my iTunes library is too big for me to pick just one.

What’s one thing on your bucket list?

I have such a huge bucket list (in my head) so one thing on it would be to travel around the world. I want to experience different foods, cultures, languages and all the things this beautiful world has to offer. We’re not in it for very long.

What’s your favourite TV show?

How to Get Away with Murder and Homes Under the Hammer. One is for pleasure and the other is for business. Can you guess which one is which? I’m joking they are both for pleasure but Homes Under the Hammer is more for business reasons. I’d one day like to own my own property and this show helps me pick up a few tips for when I’m finally ready to take that step.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

“Stop hiding yourself, love yourself like no one else can”. These are the lyrics to a song called Mirror by Lalah Hathaway. The entire song is the best advice I’ve ever received and I’m on the journey to taking it.

And that’s it.

So now I have to nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 question.

Here are my nominees:

And here are my 11 Questions!

Why did you start blogging?
What is the 1 thing you wish you knew before starting a blog?
How do you manage your day to day and still maintain your commitment to blogging?
How many places have you travelled to and which one has been your favourite?
If you were to invite 3 celebrities to your home for dinner, who would they be?
What’s your signature dish?
Book or Movie?
How would you describe yourself in just three words?
What would you change about your life right now?
What are 3 things you hope to achieve by the end of 2017?
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

I could only come up with 9 that I felt had interesting blogs with under 200 Twitter followers.

Make sure to check them out and show their blog some love!

Your turn…

If you are reading this and I haven’t nominated you, please feel free to leave a link to your blog in the comment section below.

Love,
Lydia x | https://lydonlife.wordpress.com/

Blog Nomination | Bloggers Recognition Award

I was nominated for a Bloggers Recognition Award by…

Firstly, welcome to Lyd on Life

My first blogger nomination. Yay!

I was nominated for a Bloggers Recognition Award by Pearl from The Pearly Life blog. So exciting! I’ve been away from Lydia On Life for a while now so to come back and find out my blog has been nominated for the first time on WordPress is a lovely welcome.

I am very appreciative that the lovely Pearl not only nominated my blog but follows and interacts with my blog. Thank you! It’s encouraging to know that someone enjoys what you do, even if you only do it for fun and not quite sure of what you are doing.

I’ve never read a bloggers award post before so had to read a few to understand the idea behind it. Pearl’s post was first on my reading list. Check her’s out!

Ok, lets get into it.

BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD

Rules:

Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Write a post to show your award.
Give a brief story about how your blog started.
Give two pieces of advise to new bloggers.
Select 15 other bloggers you want to give this award to.
Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide a link to the post you created.

How My Blog Started:

I started my blog in September 2016. Since then, it’s gone through a few changes as i tried to figure out what the hell I’m doing on the blogosphere. I’ve always been curious about how other people live their lives. From watching YouTube videos, SnapChat stories to reading personal blogs. I felt that navigating through this life is easier when we share what we’ve learned in our pursuit of happiness. Whether it be career, relationships, self-love, self discovery or motherhood, I was inspired by other peoples journeys and thought why not share my own. Help someone, even if it’s just one person. So Lydia On Life was born. A place where I share my experience and the many things that I’m learning in my day-to-day life as I pursue my own happiness. I enjoy writing and sharing the little wisdoms I acquire through my experiences. This blog is a work in progress, as am I and I’m excited about where I can take it.

Advice for New Bloggers:

Your about page is worth writing: Before you go writing your first blog post, I think it’s important to make sure you have written what your blog is about, why you started and what people can gain from it. For me, it acts as a constant reminder of why I started this blog whenever I’m tempted to do what other people are doing or feel frustrated when nobody reads or likes my posts.
Get involved with other blogs: You can learn a lot from other bloggers. Search for bloggers who are writing about topics you are interested in and get some inspiration from them. It helps, especially when you read about how they started and the struggles they faced as well as their success. It takes time and it will happen, if you work hard for it. I believe that.

My Nominations:

I’m still new to this and still discovering bloggers so here are a few I enjoy reading

Love,
Lydia x