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And if not, then welcome back!
How are you? How’s life treating you?
Me, I’m doing good. Despite being single and having no socially acceptable plans for Valentine’s Day, I’m doing pretty good. I did watch a lot of Netflix though. I’ve been doing a lot of that since going on maternity leave.
Valentines Day has never been a big deal for me, even when I was in a relationship. I remember my first Valentines Day date and how much anxiety it brought me. All I had to do was get dressed and do my hair and make-up in time for my date yet I was completely nervous throughout the entire process. The pressure to look good without looking like a bag of nerve ruined the whole experience for me.
Now that I am single, the idea of dating brings a new set of nerves.
D – A – T – I – N – G.
No matter how it’s said, it has a different ring to it when you’re single and also a mum. Although I’m among many of my friends who are also single, my singleness is a little different to their singleness. I’m going to keep it all the way 100 with you okay so don’t judge me. Between you, me and the internet, I am clueless when it comes to dating #thesearemyconfessions. At 26 years old I’ve never really done the whole dating thing. At least not the way social media tells me I should anyway.
Before Matthew’s father, I believe I’d only been out on dates with 3 guys in my entire life. Is that even classified as dating?
One guy was a work colleague whom I didn’t actually like at all but thought at 20 years old it was about time I had a real date and got spoiled for a while. Maybe my mind will change once I got to know him more. Yeah, that didn’t happen. And we can all thank God that it didn’t.
The other two guys were from a dating app a friend recommend. Yup, I went there. At the time, I was curious as to how these dating apps worked and if they even worked so I thought why not. What’s the worse that could happen? Probably shouldn’t have said that. My curiosity didn’t kill me, however, one of the guys took me out on a date that made me want to kill him. I’ll save that story for another post.
And then there was Matthew’s father. Well we all know how that ended…
*breaths in stress*
So that’s my “dating” experience so far.
One taught me nothing, the other taught me patience, one taught me to not use dating apps and one gave me an amazing baby. After 3 failed dates and 1 failed relationship do I really want a next? Although my friends and I might be in different boats, we’re all in the same sea wondering if we’re ready to deal with the fish that’s out here.
Dating is hard enough when you’re single let alone when you’re single and a mum too. I am no longer just me. I come as a package. A very strong, complicated and protective package with layers of packaging tape to match. As a newly single mum (and one with a boring dating history, clearly) do I really want to go down the dating road again? And if I do, how does it work? How does one approach dating as a single parent? When is the right time to start dating again? Is there a right time? How do you know if you even want to date?
I have so many questions but I’m not sure I want to know the answers.
I already know that a baby mama isn’t every man’s cup of tea and I’m okay with that. I’m not trying to be every man’s cup of tea. We all have preference. I for one prefer hot chocolate over tea but I digress. What I’m saying is I’m okay with not being someone’s ideal situation because I’m happy with my situation. However, as I think of the idea of potentially dating again, my mind wonders if there is such thing as a feeling or being ready. What would that look like? What would I look like as a dater? I’m even more clueless now than I was before I had Matthew.
And once I’ve had my dates and found a man who matches my energy in every which way, would I ever trust them enough like that again?
Being a single mum isn’t just complicated physically and mentally it’s emotionally complicated too. And draining. But I guess any relationship that doesn’t end the way you thought it would is like that. You’re left in pain, a little fearful and some what wounded and although sometimes you forget the pain, get over your fear and heal from your wounds, you’re often left with a scar. Scars are a lot harder to forget and even harder to get over. And I’m not just talking about my c-section either.
How those scar will affect me in my dating life, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that although I’m not yet ready to date, I am open to the idea of dating in future and looking forward to seeing what all the fuss is about. Is this dating life for me? I don’t know.
Now that I’m a mum I can honestly say that I’m more than happy to remain single forever. Too often men are proving to be a lot more hassle than they are worth and no one’s sons is worth that much hassle except your own.
Nonetheless if the opportunity is there and it’s worth my time then why not. Enjoy the process I never really got to have before becoming a mum. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.
Until then, I’ll continue enjoying Valentine’s Day the way I’ve always enjoyed spending it – buying my mum flowers and reminding her how much I love her. That’s one tradition society will never take away from me. Hopefully it will continue on with my children. One can hope, right?
If you’re single (with or without kids), how soon after being single did you start dating again? What are some of the concerns you had and how did you overcome them?
Let me know in the comments below or on my social @lydiaonlife.
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I post once a week so stay tuned for the next one.
Till next time!