Tag: single mum

Mum Bloggers | Where Are All the Black Single Mums?

“It is more substantial to represent a purpose, rather than just a title.” ― T.F. Hodge

Over the last few months of 2019 I’ve slowly started embracing the world of mummy blogging (or mommy blogging for my US people) but it’s not been easy as a black single mum.

“It is more substantial to represent a purpose, rather than just a title.”
― T.F. Hodge

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If you’re new to my blog, then welcome! And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good and slowly getting back to regular posting. As you know being a mum is hard and finding the time to do anything aside from being a mum is even harder. But as always I keep myself motivated as best as I can when it comes to life and blogging.

Over the last few months of 2019 I’ve been slowly trying to embrace the world of mummy blogging (or mommy blogging for my US people). It’s hard to do so when you only have a few readers and very few people see you as a mummy blogger but I’ve decided to not let the opinions of others determine how I see myself. This goes for all aspects of my life, including hobbies such as blogging.

So what is mummy blogging? Mummy blogging is a way for women to create content online about the most challenging and rewarding parts of our lives – being mothers. I stared my mummy blogging journey last year as it helped me get through the postpartum period and the challenges I faced once I was face-to-face with the little human I’d been creating for the last 9 months. Here’s where my journey began if you’re interested.

I’ve accepted that blogging about motherhood is something I love doing and hope to keep doing however as I’ve started this journey, I’ve noticed that there aren’t that many mummy bloggers like me – young, black and single. Why is this? Are they all hiding or am I just looking in the wrong places?

If you do a Google search for ’single mummy blogger’ 99.9% of the results are of women who look nothing like me. Our ‘single mum’ label might be the same but how that label affects us is different, very different. Don’t get me wrong, single motherhood is tough no matter how you look however as we’ve seen in this world, race and culture has a huge effect on our lives, especially in the black community.

It was sad to see so little representation in an area that was so important to me as a single mother and writing enthusiast. There aren’t that many books on the topic of thriving as a black single mum and our stories aren’t always conveyed in a positive light. This bothered me a lot but I was glad to see a few ladies out there making their mark on the blogospheres as independent black single mothers and I wanted to share them with you.

Without further ado, here are some amazing black single mothers with incredible stories about their journey.

The Single Mom Journey is a blog ran by a 40 something-year-old single mum of two named L.C. Like many of us, she uses her blog to share the wisdom she’s gained on topics such as raising kids, relationships, career moves, money matters, faith and inspiration. Her hope is that women, particularly single mums, will use her blog as a forum to be real and share their struggles without judgment. Check out her post on black single mum blogs for more amazing mothers to help you on your journey!

Black Moms Blog is run by Shanicia, a full-time mum of one living in Atlanta. She uses her blog to offer parenting tips, recipes, information about cultural and current events, as well as highlighting black businesses and mums who are making a splash in the business world. Her mission is to provide a place that changes the narrative of what Black motherhood is really all about. Here’s the post that got me interested in her story

Single Black Motherhood is a blog ran by a 26-year old working mother of one named Kim. Like me, she struggled to find millennial, black single mums on the blogosphere or podcastphere (is that a thing? I’m making it a thing) so decided to create her own. On her blog she shares her journey and the things she’s learning along the way in hopes of inspiring other young black single mums out there. How she managed single parenting with two jobs whilst studying is amazing to me and defiantly worth a read.

Sophie-sticated Mum is a blog ran by Dr. Reed AKA Sophia, a 30 something single mother of one and a National Certified Counsellor with a PhD in Human Behaviour (okay mama!). She uses her blog to encourage women to turn their lemons into lemonade and make boss moves whilst putting God first. Her story on how she became a single mother is definite one to read. So inspiring!

Greater Than Mama Blog is run by Briana, a 27 year old single mum of one. She uses her blog to show other mums that you don’t have to stop being you, just to be someone else’s mother. Although she doesn’t claim to have all the answers on how those two sides of motherhood can co-exists, she hopes to figure it out with the rest of us through her blog. Here’s her latest post which I know I’ll be using once Matthew starts day care.

Although I was happy to find these wonderful ladies, I couldn’t help but notice that most if not all of them were from the US. There are around 1.8 million single parents in the UK and 90% of them are women. How many of those are black women, I’m not sure but if I exist, surely there are others? Surely there are women out there like me with a story to tell about their journey?

This thought reminded me why I decided to share my own single parent journey here on Lydia on Life. Not only did I want a place to document my thoughts and experiences but to also connect with other mothers who look like me, talk like me and are dealing with similar life issues as me. I’m glad I was able to find a few but I know there’s more stories out there waiting to be told.

So for now I’ll continue sharing my journey (and anyone else I find) for my own growth so that anyone else who feels the way I do will know they are not alone.

I hope you enjoyed my little list of wonderful black mummy bloggers who are doing it all whilst raising children single handedly and sharing their journey with us. I can’t wait to learn from them and enjoy their content!

Your Turn…

Do you know of any other black single mum bloggers from around the world? Would they be interested in sharing their journey with me?

Let me know in the comments below or on my socials @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I try (emphasis on the try) to post once a week so stay tuned!

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

New Mum | Do I Like Being A Mum?

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.”
— Linda Woote

I had a rough couple of weeks this month were the only response to the question “How does it feel to be a mum” was “sh*t”.

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.”
— Linda Woote

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Hello and welcome to my blog!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

I’m doing pretty good. I had a rough couple of weeks this month were the only response to the question “How does it feel to be a mum” was “sh*t”. Motherhood felt really sh*t if I’m being honest. I use the past tense because right now, it feels amazing but there are a lot moments where the weight and responsibility of motherhood just becomes too much for me. It didn’t help that I also caught the flu AND I managed to pass it on to my teething 7 month old. Lovely times!

So since motherhood, hormones and the flu were kicking my ass I decided to take an unintentional but much needed break from blogging, social media and pretty much the rest of the world. And between you, me and the internet I started to wish I could take a break from being a mum too. Unfortunately I can’t exactly detach my boobs and hand them over to someone else to take over so instead I cried, prayed and told myself that this was all part of the process and boy is it a difficult one. Being a mother is bloody hard work and to be honest, a lot of days I really don’t like it.

via GIPHY

Did i just say that out loud!

Well technically I wrote it but it’s true, I don’t like being a mum! At least not right now. My dislike in being a mother is more to do with the expectation and responsibility of raising another human rather than the actual human I’m raising or the fact that I’m doing it alone. My son and my singleness are actually the best part about the process. It’s all the other bits that come with a baby that suck and I’m not sure why no one ever told me it could be like this.

Now I feel like I have to say this for those who are getting ready to report me to social services or a mental ward; I love my son. I look at him everyday and I’m so grateful I made him and I get to watch him learn things and develop into a very interesting human. However, that doesn’t take away from the utter sh*t of an experience being a mum can be sometimes.

The crying, the screaming, the interrupted showers, the cold food and lukewarm tea, the waking up every hour to feed, the kicking whilst changing a poo-filled diaper, the 30 minute cat naps that leave you no time to do anything, the back breaking carrying, the never ending soothing, the unpredictable routine, the lopsided boobs and breastmilk stained bedsheets. Ahhhhh! And to make things extra fun, you’re suppose to deal with all of this (and more) on 3 hours (or less) of sleep, raging hormones and no coffee (or alcohol). Just faith, patience, mothers instinct and utter joy. Oh please! I think I’ve got just about enough of those to not lose my mind but not enough to take away the negative experience that this baby period can have on a mother.

I’m honestly convinced all the mothers around me have gotten amnesia or something and forgotten what it’s like to look after a baby because apparently I should be having the time of my life. “Before you know it they’re all grown up saying mum 24/7 and no to everything” they say. Well, with teething, growth spurts, weaning and constipation, I’m already experiencing that (and more) so what else you got for me?

Right now, being a mum feels like a glorified care worker except you work 24/7 with no breaks, holidays, sick leave or any form of payment. Oh no wait a minute I forgot you do get paid, in kisses and hugs and all those wonderful things people tells you that are so rewarding for mothers. Can any of those get me a full nights sleep without leaking boobs? I don’t think so Judy! It’s been 7 months and so far I’ve gotten a slap on the head, poked and scratched in the face and my nipples bitten. No kisses or hugs yet sir…

Right now, being a mother to me is draining, overwhelming, exhausting, frustrating, tiring, confusing, unpleasant, difficult and a whole host of other emotions I’m yet to identify so please excuse me for not feeling like the luckiest women in the world.

Oh but we mustn’t say such things, must we. Us mothers aren’t allowed to have negative feelings about motherhood are we? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

via GIPHY

 

But I do, because well in case people have forgotten, I didn’t all of a sudden stop being a human once I popped another human out of me. News flash, mothers are humans too you know. We feel good things and bad things about many things, even babies. The idea that being a mother should be the most ah-mazing experience in the world to me is peoples passive aggressive way of guilt tripping you into feeling like a bad mother if you don’t think otherwise. I’m not here for that.

Other people aren’t going through what you’re going through so why do they get a say in how you should be feeling about something so unique and personal? Why is it taboo to share this side of motherhood where everything feels like sh*t and you feel like sh*t for feeling like the experience is sh*t? I’ve said sh*t a lot so you can guess what I was cleaning before I wrote this post.

“Oh but it’s all worth it in the end, right?” Is it Susan, is it really? How do you measure worth when it comes to raising another human being? Who decided what is deemed as “worth it”? Is having your hair fall out in chunks worth it? Is having the simple task of getting milk from the shops turn into a military operation worth it? Is the sleep deprivation worth it? Is the pain in every part of your body worth it? Is the isolation from the rest of the world worth it? Is the isolation from the rest of yourself worth it? Is the fact that they will never remember all that you did during this stage of their lives worth it? And what is this end you speak of because according to my calculations I’m a mother for the rest of my life and I don’t plan on changing that so…

*deep breath*

Have I said too much? Have I overstepped this invisible line that was carved around my emotions the moment I became a mother? Because let a woman show any emotion other than happiness she’s deemed crazy or unstable, but I can assure you I’m neither. I’m simply a first-time mum getting to grips with the fact that being a mother isn’t for the faint hearted or those who love their sleep. Being a mother is late nights, early mornings, ripped and usually stretched out clothes, missed meals, cuts, bruises, aches and pains and an enormous pressure to be perfectly happy about it. It’s fear, worry, isolation and concern about every single thing you do. As much as it’s all those things (and so much more) it’s also a unique, selfless and character building experience that you will never experience unless you are a mother.

It takes a lot of strength being a mother and even more to admit that often times it doesn’t feel like the best job or most rewarding job in the world but you’re glad you have the opportunity to do it and are constantly learning from it. Experience is the best teacher and boy am I learning a lot and so is Matthew.

No one should dictate to you how you should feel about the process because it’s yours to experience, not theirs. I know my experience isn’t everyone’s but I believe people need to be realistic when sharing their stories about their pregnancies and birth as well as the bit that comes after all that. The good, the bad and the complete sh*t of an experience being a mother can be sometimes. Speaking of sh*t, I think he’s just done one on a freshly changed diaper…guess that’s my queue!

I sometimes wonder if Matthew is just as frustrated with this whole experience as I am. Probably.

Your Turn…

How did you think being a mother would be like before you become one? Was it what you expected? How do you define “worth it” when it comes to motherhood?

Let me know in the comments below or on my social @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I try (emphasis on the try) to post once a week so stay tuned!
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Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

Modern Mum | Lydia’s Lazy Lunch #1

If cooking becomes an art form rather than a means of providing a reasonable diet, then something is clearly wrong.
– Tom Jaine

Having a baby is hard work and trying to find the time to cook as well as eat is even harder when you have to clean, feed, entertain and soothe a 5 month old on minus 8 hours of sleep. As a mum and a human being I don’t ask for much.

After attempting to meal prep, I thought I’d start a series where I share some of the quick meal ideas I use to keep up with the demands of motherhood.

“If cooking becomes an art form rather than a means of providing a reasonable diet, then something is clearly wrong.”
– Tom Jaine

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Hello!

If you’re new to my blog, then welcome.

And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good. After starting Matthew on solids and attempting to meal prep my own food, I thought I’d create a series where I share some of the quick meal ideas I use to keep up with the demands of motherhood.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Between you me and the internet, I hate cooking. *gasp*. What? A woman who hates cooking? Say it isn’t so! But yes it is. I absolutely hate cooking. What I do love is eating and judging by the way Matthew has taken to solid food, so does he. Bottom line is we both love to eat. It’s the part that comes before the eating (and sometimes after) that I have an issue with.

Having a baby is hard work and trying to find the time to cook as well as eat is even harder when you have to clean, feed, entertain and soothe a 5 month old on minus 100 hours of sleep. As a mum and a normal human being I don’t ask for much.

All I want is to be able to eat a home cooked meal at least three times a day whilst it’s still hot and I still have the energy and time to eat it. Is that too much to ask? Unfortunately hiring a personal chef isn’t an option right now and no one (including myself) is able to keep up with the amount of food I need to eat in a day to function. So the next best thing is to meal prep.

And to do just that, I created a set of meals that use less than ten ingredients and take less than 30 minutes to prepare. Now my idea of meal prepping is not fancy or special or anything like that so all you master chefs and come diners please relax on the judgment. My meal prepping is for one reason and one reason only: to keep me alive.

Aside from helping me be more efficient with my time, meal prepping has become a very important means of providing for my son. As a breastfeeding mum, meal prepping means I’m able to keep up with the amount of food intake I need daily to ensure that my son and I are getting all the nutrition we need. That to me is the most important reason for meal prepping. And t’s easier on the wallet too.

But the aim of this post isn’t to convince you about the benefits of meal prepping, Google has that covered. This post is just me sharing an easy fool-proof recipe for those days where you’re feeling too lazy to cook, too broke to eat-out or too busy to stand over a cooker for hours. And for the days where you’re feeling all three at once.

So without further waffle, here is the first recipe from my Lydia’s Lazy Lunch series.

Creamy Bacon & Vegetable Pasta

Serving: 2 portions
Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients:
– 200g bacon lardons
– 2 cloves of diced garlic
– 1 teaspoon of mild curry powder
– 1 chopped pepper
– Chopped mushrooms
– Tin sweetcorn (drain water)
– Double cream
– Pasta
– Pinch of salt (optional)

Tools:
– 2 Pots
– Cooking spoon
– Oil

Instructions:

  1. Cook pasta in a pot with boiling water and a little bit of salt to your liking.
  2. Heat oil in another pot and fry bacon, garlic and curry powder for 10 minutes
  3. Add mushrooms, peppers and other vegetables and cook them for 5 minuets
  4. Add the cooked pasta and sweetcorn and mix it all together for 2 minutes
  5. Add double cream and mix for 3 minutes. If you don’t have double cream you can use Philadelphia cheese cream or butter and milk as a substitute (see how here)

Serve and enjoy!

That’s it. The idea for this lazy lunch series is to keep these meals easy when you have a little human to entertain and no extra pair of hands. The ingredients are simple, the steps are short and the food tastes good! At least I think so.

This recipe usually gives me two servings which is enough for me to have for lunch and dinner. Increasing the measurements will obviously increase the portions so it’s all depending on how often you want to cook. I meal prep 3 times a week (Sunday, Tuesday & Thursday) and prepare 2 different meals each time. You could meal prep on one day and just freeze them for the week if you don’t want to cook so frequently. I’ll probably start doing that once I return to work.

However you do it, I hope that you find this meal quick, easy and tasty whether or not you have a little human to look after.

Now that Matthew is 5 months and keen to eat grown up food I’ll need to start prepping his meals too. Stay tuned for more on that and other Lazy Lunch recipes!

Your Turn…

What do you think of this recipe? Would you try it? Do you have any lazy lunch ideas you’d like to share?

Let me know in the comments below or on my Twitter, Instagram and Pintrest.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I post once a week so stay tuned for the next one.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

Single Mum | Am I Ready to Date?

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
― Candace Bushnell

Valentines Day has never been a big deal for me, even when I was in a relationship. I remember my first Valentines Day date and how much anxiety it brought me. All I had to do was get dressed and do my hair and make-up in time for my date yet I was completely nervous throughout the entire process. The pressure to look good without looking like a bag of nerve ruined the whole experience for me.

Now that I am single, the idea of dating brings a new set of nerves.

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
― Candace Bushnell

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Hello!

If you’re new to my blog, then welcome to my little online home.

And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good. Despite being single and having no socially acceptable plans for Valentine’s Day, I’m doing pretty good. I did watch a lot of Netflix though. I’ve been doing a lot of that since going on maternity leave.

Valentines Day has never been a big deal for me, even when I was in a relationship. I remember my first Valentines Day date and how much anxiety it brought me. All I had to do was get dressed and do my hair and make-up in time for my date yet I was completely nervous throughout the entire process. The pressure to look good without looking like a bag of nerve ruined the whole experience for me.

Now that I am single, the idea of dating brings a new set of nerves.

Dating.

Day-ting.

D – A – T – I – N – G.

No matter how it’s said, it has a different ring to it when you’re single and also a mum. Although I’m among many of my friends who are also single, my singleness is a little different to their singleness. I’m going to keep it all the way 100 with you okay so don’t judge me. Between you, me and the internet, I am clueless when it comes to dating #thesearemyconfessions. At 26 years old I’ve never really done the whole dating thing. At least not the way social media tells me I should anyway.

Before Matthew’s father, I believe I’d only been out on dates with 3 guys in my entire life. Is that even classified as dating?

One guy was a work colleague whom I didn’t actually like at all but thought at 20 years old it was about time I had a real date and got spoiled for a while. Maybe my mind will change once I got to know him more. Yeah, that didn’t happen. And we can all thank God that it didn’t.

The other two guys were from a dating app a friend recommend. Yup, I went there. At the time, I was curious as to how these dating apps worked and if they even worked so I thought why not. What’s the worse that could happen?  Probably shouldn’t have said that. My curiosity didn’t kill me, however, one of the guys took me out on a date that made me want to kill him. I’ll save that story for another post.

And then there was Matthew’s father. Well we all know how that ended…

*breaths in stress*

So that’s my “dating” experience so far.

One taught me nothing, the other taught me patience, one taught me to not use dating apps and one gave me an amazing baby. After 3 failed dates and 1 failed relationship do I really want a next? Although my friends and I might be in different boats, we’re all in the same sea wondering if we’re ready to deal with the fish that’s out here.

Dating is hard enough when you’re single let alone when you’re single and a mum too. I am no longer just me. I come as a package. A very strong, complicated and protective package with layers of packaging tape to match. As a newly single mum (and one with a boring dating history, clearly) do I really want to go down the dating road again? And if I do, how does it work? How does one approach dating as a single parent? When is the right time to start dating again? Is there a right time? How do you know if you even want to date?

I have so many questions but I’m not sure I want to know the answers.

I already know that a baby mama isn’t every man’s cup of tea and I’m okay with that. I’m not trying to be every man’s cup of tea. We all have preference. I for one prefer hot chocolate over tea but I digress. What I’m saying is I’m okay with not being someone’s ideal situation because I’m happy with my situation. However, as I think of the idea of potentially dating again, my mind wonders if there is such thing as a feeling or being ready. What would that look like? What would I look like as a dater? I’m even more clueless now than I was before I had Matthew.

And once I’ve had my dates and found a man who matches my energy in every which way, would I ever trust them enough like that again?

Being a single mum isn’t just complicated physically and mentally it’s emotionally complicated too. And draining. But I guess any relationship that doesn’t end the way you thought it would is like that. You’re left in pain, a little fearful and some what wounded and although sometimes you forget the pain, get over your fear and heal from your wounds, you’re often left with a scar. Scars are a lot harder to forget and even harder to get over. And I’m not just talking about my c-section either.

How those scar will affect me in my dating life, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that although I’m not yet ready to date, I am open to the idea of dating in future and looking forward to seeing what all the fuss is about. Is this dating life for me? I don’t know.

Now that I’m a mum I can honestly say that I’m more than happy to remain single forever. Too often men are proving to be a lot more hassle than they are worth and no one’s sons is worth that much hassle except your own.

Nonetheless if the opportunity is there and it’s worth my time then why not. Enjoy the process I never really got to have before becoming a mum.  If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.

Until then, I’ll continue enjoying Valentine’s Day the way I’ve always enjoyed spending it – buying my mum flowers and reminding her how much I love her. That’s one tradition society will never take away from me. Hopefully it will continue on with my children. One can hope, right?

Your Turn…

If you’re single (with or without kids), how soon after being single did you start dating again? What are some of the concerns you had and how did you overcome them?

Let me know in the comments below or on my social @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I post once a week so stay tuned for the next one.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

10 Movies & TV Shows Perfect for Valentine’s Day on Netflix *

It’s that awkward time of the year again. I’m talking about Valentines Day… *gasp* Dun dun duuuun.

For most of us it’s a day of flowers, chocolates and Instagram worthy dates but for me it’s a little different. I’m single and I’m a mum. Not exactly the ideal candidate for this time of the year. Or am I?

It’s that awkward time of the year again. I’m talking about Valentines Day… *gasp* Dun dun duuuun.

For most, it’s a day of flowers, chocolates and Instagram worthy dates but for me it’s a little different. If you’ve read my pregnancy journey post then you will know why. So when I received an e-mail to work with Panasonic (HD television company)* about a post on TV shows that are perfect for Valentine’s Day I thought, okay, this could be interesting.

What movies and television shows would be perfect for a single mama like me on this fine day of romance and romantic love?

Thanks to Panasonic, I was inspired to find some and I wanted to share them with you. If you’re like me then hopefully these should keep us off social media for 24 hours where our singleness isn’t always appreciated. I’m all about turning lemons into lemonade. Can I get a Amen!

Okay let’s start with the movies.

BirdBox – (2018) – A mysterious force decimates the population by taking the form of their worst fear. If they see it, they die. In an effort to stay alive, a woman and her children embark on a dangerous journey to safety whilst blind folded. Will they make it? Starring Sandra Bullock, John Malkovich and Mr fine ass himself Trevante Rhodes. (Thriller)

And Breath Normally (2018) – Due to unforeseen circumstances, the lives of two women (a struggling Icelandic single mother and a Guinea-Bissauan asylum seeker) intertwine. A bond between them form as they strategise to get their lives back on track. Will they succeed? Starring Kristín Þóra Haraldsdóttir and Babetida Sadjo. (Drama)

Been So Long (2018) – Set on the streets of London’s musical hot-spot, Camden, a dedicated single mother is charmed by a handsome stranger with a troubled passed whilst on a night out. Is she ready to open up her heart again or will this new relationship end in disaster? Starring Michaela Coel and Arinzé Kene. (Musical)

Bad Moms (2016) – When three overworked and under-appreciated mums are pushed beyond their limits, they ditch their conventional responsibilities for a jolt of long overdue freedom, fun and comedic self-indulgence. Can these mums handle it? Starring Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn and Kristen Bell. (Comedy)

Mummy Dearest (2014) – A dedicated yet intrusive mother struggles to keep in touch with her five adult children. After the loss of his friend’s mother, the youngest and most unresponsive child travels back home on a journey of self-discovery and reconciliation. Will this make or break their relationship? Starring Liz Benson and Daniel K. Daniel. (Nollywood)

Now that’s what I call variety!

Let’s move onto the TV shows.

The Letdown – New mother Audrey needs help with the new addition to her family, so she joins a support group for new parents. While attending meetings, she makes quirky friends who are facing their own challenges and life changes. Will she be able to cope? Starring Alison Bell, Duncan Fellows and Leon Ford . (7 Episodes)

Greenleaf – On the surface, the Greenleaf family, who run a sprawling Memphis megachurch called Calvary Fellowship World Ministries, appear to have it all. However, the scandals, the secrets and the lies they share will taint their perfect world. Can they redeem themselves? Starring Lynn Whitfield and Keith David. (4 Seasons)

One Day At A Time – Follows the life of Penelope, a newly single Army veteran, and her Cuban-American family, as they navigate the ups and downs of life. With a teenage daughter, tween son and an old-school mother on hand, Penelope has a lot going on. How will she handle it all? Starring Justina Machado and Isabella Gomez (3 Seasons)

Sex Education – A socially awkward high school boy who’s mother is a sex therapist teams up with a high school classmate to set up an underground sex therapy clinic at school. What could possibly go wrong? May not be one to watch with the kids around, ey. Starring Asa Butterfield, Gillian Anderson and Emma Mackey. (2 Seasons)

Friends – Does this really need a summary? Friends is a great TV show that never gets old and I won’t hear a bad word said about it. I’ve had Phoebe moments, Monica moments and now I’m having a Rachel moment (Season 8). Every storyline is relatable. Which Friend are you? Starring Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow. (10 Seasons)

And that’s it, that’s my list of movies and TV shows perfect for Valentine’s Day if you’re single and just so happen to be a mum too.

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Aside from sharing some movie and TV show ideas, I also wanted to use this opportunity to highlight movies which represent mothers in different ways. Single mother or not, representation matters and I was delighted to find some of that in both TV and film. Hopefully in future there will be more positive representation of single mothers.

So, is watching Netflix the only thing I plan to do on Valentines Day? Guess we’ll have to wait and see in the next post. But for now remember that if you’re a single mum like me or single in general, Valentines Day is just as much for you as it is for everyone else so enjoy it! I know I will.

Your Turn…

What are some TV shows or movies you’re watching on Netflix right now? Have you seen any of the ones I’ve mentioned? Should I do a single dad’s edition? Would you like a review on these movies?

Let me know in the comments below or on my social @lydiaonlife.

Also, don’t forget to follow the blog too! And why not add yourself to the mailing list for updates whilst you’re at it?

I post once a week so stay tuned for the next one.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x

P.S: My Christmas PJ’s were the best Christmas gift to myself! So comfortable and convenient for this UK weather. 🙂

Black Mum | Was Your Labor and Delivery Experience Like This?

“Childbirth is a time when a woman’s power and strength emerge full force, but it is also a vulnerable time.”
– Annemarie Van Oplo

On September 17th after 41 weeks and 5 days of being pregnant, I welcomed the most adorable little boy named Matthew. I had such a healthy pregnancy (despite the emotional roller-coaster) , so for the delivery to be so traumatic was a shock to me and my family. Was it the ignorance of being a first-time mum or a failure on the NHS? I’m not sure. A part of me thinks it’s both and here’s why.

“Childbirth is a time when a woman’s power and strength emerge full force, but it is also a vulnerable time.”
– Annemarie Van Oploo

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome. And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me I’m doing good. For those of you who have read my previous posts you’ll probably know two things about me.

  1. On September 17th after 41 weeks and 5 days of being pregnant, I welcomed the most adorable little boy named Matthew.
  2. My pregnancy and my delivery was very unexpected.

I was suppose to be due on September 5th and though we all know most babies don’t come on their actual due date, I didn’t expect to be 12 days overdue. I also didn’t expect to be contracting for 5 days straight and under go an emergency caesarean section (c-section). I had such a healthy pregnancy (despite the emotional roller-coaster) , so for the delivery to be so traumatic was a shock to me and my family.

Was it the ignorance of being a first-time mum or a failure on the NHS? I’m not sure. A part of me thinks it’s both and here’s why.

MY LABOUR

My contractions started on a Wednesday after receiving a very painful sweep the day before due to the fact that I was already 1 week and 1 day overdue. The contractions were light at first but they soon progressed and became very painful very quickly. On the Thursday I contacted my midwife to inform her about the pain I was in even after taking pain killers and how I was finding it difficult to sleep on either side because of the contractions but since they were not close together enough she advised me to wait. “This is expected for first-time mums” she said, so we waited.

The next day I received a second sweep in hopes of inducing the labour further as I was only 1 cm dilated. Getting the sweep done the second time was harder and a lot more painful than the first time. I remember when the midwife left my bedroom for me to get dressed I cried my eyes out. I was so tired and already in pain from 2 days of contracting that this time I couldn’t hold back the tears like I did the first time. I didn’t want to cry in front of her though. I thought, she was so calm about it despite my distress so the pain must be normal and I’m just being dramatic.

By the forth day the contractions had gotten so bad and I hadn’t had any sleep since they started that my family decided to take me to the hospital to see if there was something they could do there. I was petrified of them checking how far I’d dilated because of how invasive and painful it can be but I knew it had to be done. They checked and unfortunately I was still only 1 cm dilated so they sent us home to wait till I was at least 4 cm. I was due to be induced the following day so if nothing happened then we’d return to the hospital for my induction. I was in so much pain the whole night my mum couldn’t bare to see me so she tried to keep herself busy by cleaning, cooking and knitting downstairs whilst my sisters helped me through the contractions.

The next day my family and I made our way to the hospital for my induction. I expected to see one of the midwives from my home visits because they had said they’d be at the hospital with me but they weren’t. The midwives that were there checked to see how far I had dilated only to find out I was just 2 cm. I’d been contracting for nearly 5 days now and was only 2 silly cm dilated. This didn’t sound normal and we asked for something to be done but once again we were told it’s expected for first time mums so we should wait a little longer to see if things will improve on their own. If they didn’t I would then be induced.

So we waited. And waited. And waited. We were told to keep track of the contractions which we did but they were all over the place and I was still in excruciating pain that we gave up after a while. My mum kept asking the midwives if there was anything they could do but all they could say was wait. “These things take time, we just have to be patient. She’s doing amazing” they said. They seemed so relaxed about everything and made it seem like we were overreacting so we did as we were told and waited.

12 hours later, a BLACK midwife came to check on me whilst doing her night time rounds. She asked if anyone had done a CTG on me and I said no. She was surprised considering I was booked to be induced at 10am and it was now 10pm. She then asked if my pregnancy was high or low risk and I said low as this is what it has been throughout my pregnancy. “Okay, I’m going to do a CTG on you as this should have been done while you were waiting”, she said. Whilst strapping the CTG machine on me she explained that she would leave the machine to monitor me and the baby for for 30 minutes before leaving the room.

30 minutes later she returned to check the results of the CTG only to discover that my baby’s heart rate kept dropping significantly low during every contraction. My pregnancy had now gone from low risk to high risk because of this. She could see the worry in my face and the frustration in my mums face knowing our concerns had been ignored all day so she proceeded to explain that she’d take the results to the doctor who will likely induce me soon if there is a bed available.

An hour later I was wheeled to the delivery ward where again I was left to wait whilst the doctor and other midwives do another CTG. They offered me pain killers as they could clearly see I was in excruciating pain but this wasn’t enough so they then asked if I wanted other forms of pain relief such as Gas and air, Pethidine injections or Epidural. I chose gas and air as this seemed like the safest and easiest option to me at the time. As I was puffing away I see more midwives coming to look at the CTG and my mum started to get even more frustrated. Finally the doctor came to induce me and oh my goodness I was not prepared for the pain. I never in my wildest thought it would be that painful. I puffed at the gas and air so much but the contractions were coming in quick and fast I couldn’t get high enough to feel completely pain free.

They noticed that not a lot of fluid came out when they induced me so they asked me if my waters had broken already and I said no because I would have felt it, right? The puzzled look on their faces made me even more worried but I was too busy puffing at the gas and air to ask questions so my mum stepped in. She didn’t understand why they were waiting around if the baby’s heart rate kept dropping during every contraction and I wasn’t dilating enough to deliver the baby naturally.

The doctor then advised me to have an Epidural to help levitate the pain whilst they monitored me further. The process sounded painful and uncomfortable but to be honest I’d have said yes to anything to stop the pain. They kept asking me to move from one side to the other to help the baby’s heart rate but that didn’t work. I tried to explain to them that my contractions were at their worst when I was laying on either side but they didn’t listen. They just kept asking me to try and lay on either side. At this point my mum became furious. “What are you waiting for” she said “Can you do something now”. I’d been contracting for 5 days now, was nearly 2 weeks overdue and had 2 sweeps plus been induced and I still wasn’t dilating. To make matters worse, these same contractions they were monitoring were causing the baby’s heart rate to drop low. She urged them to perform a c-section but all they kept doing was saying “Let’s try and get the baby in a comfortable position first. Lydia you’re doing fine.”

But I wasn’t doing fine. I was exhausted, confused and worried about what damage these contractions might be doing to my baby. After going back and forth to consult with other doctors and my mum urging them to do something, they finally decided to perform an emergency c-section. It took for my mum to come to tears for them to stop monitoring me, stop saying I’m doing fine and actually do something to get the baby out. At this point I was in floods of tears.

MY DELIVERY

Throughout my pregnancy I never thought I’d have to deliver my baby via c-section. I knew it could happen but never thought it would. I felt defeated. I’d gone through all this pain for nothing and now I’d have to undergo a procedure I wasn’t prepared for. As the number of doctors and midwives increased in my room, the tears just fell on my face even more. They were all talking to me at once explaining what is about to happen and asking me to sign some documents. I signed but my mum knew I wasn’t hearing them any more so she told them to speak to her and not me. I was tired, annoyed and scared and certainly didn’t have the mental, physically or emotion capacity to understand what they were saying to me.

As they wheeled me into theatre all I can remember is trying not to cry. Trying to tell myself that I was okay and this was all okay but the tears kept flowing. I’d never been to a hospital for any illness since I was 2 years old in Kenya and I don’t remember that so a c-section to be my first experience since then was traumatising. No one in my family had given birth in a UK hospital either so we were at the mercy of the nurses, doctors and midwives.

Moments later Matthew was born and my ordeal was finally over. They wheeled me into the postnatal word to begin my recovery and be reunited with my son and the rest of my family. As happy as we were that Matthew and I were okay, none of us were happy with the way we were treated. Three days later I was discharged and my family and I left the hospital feeling as though I had received substandard care.

Was my experience the norm in this country? At the time it seemed to be. They were so nice about everything that I felt too guilty to question the service I’d received.

But in all honesty I felt let down by the midwives who I’d spent so many weeks getting to know and feeling comfortable with thinking they would be there only to have them show up after the chaos. I felt let down by the hospital staff who ignored my complaints about the pain and insisted I wait. I also let myself down. I allowed the ignorance of being a first time mum and the black woman stereotypes prevent me from complaining about my treatment for fear of being seen as historical or dramatic.

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This experience has shown me that the image of the “strong or angry black woman” disinclines black women to show vulnerability while also encouraging second-rate treatment. On one had society thinks black women can take any kind of treatment because we are strong yet on the other black woman are seen as historical or dramatic if we oppose that treatment. The sad thing is that when we fear the angry black woman stereotype we encourage the strong black woman stereotype. At least that’s how it felt like to me.

Would they have made another woman wait so long and be in so much pain? I don’t know. What I do know is I won’t allow myself to have that type of experience again. I’d rather look hysterical and dramatic than to suffer like I did. If my mother wasn’t there to fight for me I don’t know what would have happened. Mothers are amazing and I can only hope to be the same for my son!

As a first time mum, how was your labour and delivery experience? Let me know in the comments below.

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

New Mum | What 5 Pregnancy Apps Are A Must for First-time Mums?

“Enjoy the moment while waiting.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita.

There’s an app for everything these days and pregnancy is no exception. Finding out I was pregnant was a very nerve racking experience which I rambled about here. It wasn’t planned and I certainly never imagined it happening the way that it did. But it did and after the initial shock of it all I was ready to continue on the journey into motherhood. However, as a first-time mum I knew I would need a lot of help. Lucky for me I had an amazing support system around me but the App store played a significant role too.

“Enjoy the moment while waiting.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

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If you’re new to my blog, welcome. And if not, then welcome back!

How are you? How’s life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good. I’ve been spending the last few weeks planning out my blog posts and so far so good. Hopefully this will mean I’ll be able to stick to my new posting schedule of 2 post per week. Wish me luck!

Okay, on to today’s post! It’s another pregnancy post but hopefully one that will make your life easier like it did mine.

Finding out I was pregnant was a very nerve racking experience which I rambled about here. It wasn’t planned and I certainly never imagined it happening the way that it did. But it did and after the initial shock of it all I was ready to continue on the journey into motherhood. However, as a first-time mum I knew I would need a little lot of help. Lucky for me I had an amazing support system around me but the App store played a significant role too.

Being a new mum means exactly that, new. Everything is new. You have no idea what to expect and the amount of information you receive during your antenatal appointments, plus the floods of advice you get from everyone and their auntie can be overwhelming. However when the information is presented in chunks that you can refer to at any time, things don’t seem so scary. Plus your pregnancy brain can process them better. Don’t you think? At leats that’s how it was for me.

That’s why I’m so happy that there’s an app for everything these days and pregnancy is no exception. However, finding the right pregnancy app was trickier than I thought it would be. There are tones and tones of pregnancy related apps out there that do pretty much the same thing but in different ways. I spent the first 3 months of my pregnancy trying out different apps for different things until I found the apps that worked best for me and as usual here on lydiaonlife.com I wanted to share my findings in hopes of narrowing down your search when that time comes. I don’t make any promises though.

Without further ado, here are the 5 most useful apps to have during your pregnancy – in my opinion.

SPROUT

Sprout has got to be my most used app during my pregnancy. I heard about this app from Nikki Perkins on YouTube before I found out I was expecting so I knew I had to try it. What got me interested in Sprout was the 3D image of the fetus as it grew week by week. Once I downloaded and started playing around with it I fell in love. From the daily and weekly information about your pregnancy, to checklists, journal features and tracking tools that help you through your pregnancy and delivery. This app had everything I needed from a pregnancy tracking app and I used it all the way up until I brought my son Matthew home.

It did take a little while to get use to it and know where everything is but once I did, it became the first thing I’d look at in the morning. The only negative thing I found was that I had to upgrade after a while to keep using it which I wasn’t aware of when I initially downloaded it but I was so used to it, I was willing to pay for the upgrade.

BOUNTY

I’m not sure how I found out about the Bounty app. It was probably from downloading so many apps. Either way I’m glad I did because it was such great help to me. Bounty is an award-winning, pregnancy and parenting app that lets you find out what to expect as a new mum. From day-by-day baby development information direct from local hospitals and health providers to a baby foot size tracker and a handy sleep tracker to give you peace of mind once your baby arrives. As amazing as these features are, the main reason I kept using the Bounty app was to claim the FREE Bounty sample packs and discount vouchers that were available via the app. Every little helps when you’re expecting and boy did this app help!

Being a first-time mum and someone who has never looked after a baby for longer than 20 minutes, I had no idea where to start when it came to baby products and brands. Thank to this app I was able to stock up on Matthews nursery whilst providing me with the opportunity to test products out before I commit to buying the full sizes. I collected the gift packs from my local Tesco and Boots just by showing them the voucher on the app which was simple enough. I also received a pack at the hospital when I delivered Matthew and will be getting another pack when Matthew is 4 months old. Not sure what will be in it though.

EMMA’S DIARY

I found out about Emma’s Diary app from my midwife. During one of my antenatal appointments she handed me an Emma’s Diary magazine which had a form to register to become a member. As an Emma’s Diary member you are entitled to receive 3 free gift packs containing samples for you and your baby.

I got my first gift packs from Argos which contained baby fabric softener, washing powder and other baby products samples. I then found out they had an app so I downloaded it, logged on and saw that I could access the vouchers for the other packs via the app. The rest is history. I was able to redeem the other packs at my local Boots which was fantastic. I did however have to go there a few times as they seemed to be out of stock but it was definitely worth it.

MOTHERCARE

The Mothercare app was my go to for all the baby clothes, gadgets and essentials. I didn’t know where else to start. Mothercare has always been around when I was growing up so to find out the stores were closing down just when I needed it most was really sad. Only for a moment thought because the closing down of some of their stores meant there were sales going on left, right and centre so I downloaded the app and started making my wish list.

Most of the things I bought were online and the delivery was prompt so I had no complaints however, the quality of their clothes wasn’t always great. But this isn’t a review on baby clothes so we’ll leave that for another post. Aside from allowing you to stock up on mother and baby products, the Mothercare app also has other cool features like baby songs, baby names, essentials checklist and a bunch of other things to help you along your pregnancy and beyond.

KEGEL TRAINER

During my first antenatal appointment, my midwife told me about the importance of pelvic floor exercise and recommended the NHS app Squeezy to help remind me to do them. I personally wasn’t prepared to pay the £2.99 for it when I knew I could find a free one that did the same thing and so I did. I searched the app store and found Kegel Trainer PFM Exercise. This app has 10 different sessions to work through to help you strength your pelvic floor muscles.

The sessions last between 30 seconds to 3 minutes and has a handy reminder to ensure you never forget. The best part about this app is that there are visual, audio or vibration cues to make the exercise as discreet as possible. All for free! I’m sure there is a justified reason for the NHS app costing £2.99 but that price was not for me.

YOUTUBE

And last but certainly not least we have YouTube. Good old YouTube. Okay, this isn’t a pregnancy app per se but c’mon it’s YouTube. You can find videos on literally anything you want. I don’t have to tell you that unless you’ve been living under a rock (which I’m sure would have been shared on YouTube by someone). Next to the Sprout app, YouTube was probably the second most used app on my phone during my pregnancy. Whenever I needed to decide on what gadget to buy or how to decorate the nursing I turned to YouTube.

From tutorials and reviews to hauls and baby updates, a day never went buy that I wasn’t on YouTube. It helped me not only prepare physically for the baby i.e. what to buy and how to look after him, it also introduced me to other first-time mums and how they coped with it. Especially single mums. I knew my experience may not be the same but enabled me to connect with people I could related to and hear their stories.

Here are some of the channels I found helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/user/emilynorrisloves
https://www.youtube.com/user/MissCharlotteTaylor
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxdOM3aOTvrY3BRmEMTTAdg
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmkhKJThgvDeS3jKdiRkWww

And that’s it!

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In the age we live in, having these tools at your fingertips makes the task of preparing to be a parent that bit easier. Especially if you are doing it alone. God bless the creators and developers of these apps. Hopefully one day someone will be saying that about an app I’ve created. Until then I hope these apps will be as useful to you as they were to me. They may not all work for you but at least you have somewhere to start.

What apps did you find most useful during your pregnancy? Please share below and say why you liked them.

Till next time.

Love always,
Lydia x

Life Update | Babies, Break-ups and Blogging?

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
Eckhart Tolle

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted anything new on here but after a much needed break I’m back doing what I love. To mark my return I thought I’d share a little little life update on what’s been going on and what I have in store for my little corner of the internet.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
Eckhart Tolle

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It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted anything new on here but after a much needed break I’m back doing what I love. To mark my return I thought I’d share a little little life update on what’s been going on and what I have in store for my little corner of the internet.

But first, how are you? How is life treating you?

Me, I’m doing good. A lot has happened since I last posted. Some good, some bad and some just plain old unexplainable but I’m in a much better place now than I was a few months ago. Life hit me and it hit me really REALLY hard. I was never fully ready to share the specifics both online and offline because it’s hard to do so when you’re in the midst of the chaos. Every time I wanted to say something, the words failed me. I didn’t know where to start or how to start or if I should even start. So I didn’t. Instead, I had many days of crying and feeling sorry for myself until eventually I found the strength to get my groove back. Things weren’t okay but I knew they’d be okay. Eventually. Then I took a little 4 month break to gather myself and my thoughts and just enjoy the good moments that were happening instead of dwelling on the bad.

I told myself that once I got it together I’d return and write a life update post and share my journey because I believe it’s part of the recovery process. It’s a slow and painful process but it’s worth sharing because someone else might be going through the same thing and need to know that they are not alone. That it’s normal to feel how you feel and it’s possible to get through it no matter how hard it might be. Sometimes that’s all the encouragement we need.

So without further ado here is little life update on what’s been going on. Are you sitting comfortably?

BABIES

I’ll start with the biggest and most amazing thing of all that’s happened to me in the last 5 months. On 17th September at 7 something in the morning I become a mum to the most handsome little boy named Matthew. I say little but he weighed a healthy 7.3 pounds which is quite big so I’ve been told. I too was a big baby so I wasn’t too surprised. I delivered him via an emergency caesarian section (c-section) which I was not prepared for at all! I’ll go into more detail about my pregnancy, delivery and recovery in another post but for now I’m so excited to share this wonderful news. I’m officially a mama! Whoooop! It still hasn’t really kicked in yet that I am someone’s mum and I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m doing it anyway and I’m falling in love with him every single day whilst at it. I’m anxious but excited to spend the rest of my life trying to keep his little behind alive, healthy and happy!

BREAK-UPS

The next update is that sadly the start of this amazing new chapter in my life was met with an unexpected end to my relationship with Matthew’s father. I’ve spoken about him a few times on here during our relationship and I never in a million years thought it would end like it did, but it did. We broke up in February and I went through the entire pregnancy without him. It’s crazy how things can change so quickly but that’s life. Things change, people change and you just have to deal with it as best as you can. I was fortunate to have support from my amazing family and friends which I thank God for every single day. I don’t know how I would have coped without them.

At some point I’ll share the experience with you as I feel it’s important to share both life’s ups and downs, however for now I want to continue focusing on the good that came out of our relationship – Matthew. He’s taken all my pain and disappointment away and I know that everything happens for a reason. I didn’t understand it at first but I get that now. I’m so much more happier and excited for the future ahead.

BLOGGING

Last but not least, is my blog. They say behind every dark cloud there’s always a silver lining. Or something like that. Well, I think I may have found my silver lining. My life has taken an amazing but unexpectedly turn and I’d like my blog to a reflection of that. After all this is Lydia on Life, right? I’ve spent a lot of time talking about self love and self development on my blog amongst other things and that has helped me get through everything that’s happened so far this year. Because of that, I know I want to continue sharing my journey. I’m now a single young woman and also a new mum and I want to share my thought’s and experiences as I try to navigate and balance this new life. I have so much to learn and even more to give and it’s all thanks to Matthew. He has given me a new perspective on myself and life and has made me feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. I’m ready for whatever lies ahead and I want to share it all right right here.

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So yup, that’s my life update so far. As you can see I’ve been going through quit a bit of change and though it hasn’t been easy, I thank God everyday for it. I went through it, I got through it and I’ve come out the other side smiling because of it.

Life is very unpredictable and at times can be very uncomfortable. But I read a quote from Mokokoma Mokhonoana that said ‘comfort rarely produces great art’. Out of my uncomfortable I want to produce great art. I want my experience to bare fruits that will be used as encouragement for those (including myself) that may find themselves in that place of doubt again. I want to show whoever stumbles across my blog that you are more prepared to take on life’s struggles than you think you are. You may not feel like it but trust me you are. Just be patient with yourself. You cannot celebrate a victory if you’ve never been to war.

So I wrote this to not only give you a life update but to remind you that no matter how long or how dark the tunnel might be, keep going because there is light at the end of it. It might seem far, it might not even look like it’s there but trust me it’s there. Use that time to grow, develop and overcome the obstacles that will come along the way. It won’t be easy or painless but in the end you will be able to say you made it.

I don’t know what’s in store for the future but I’m excited for it anyway.

Till next time!

Love always,
Lydia x